My So-Called Life

Did you know that this is Blog Action Day?!

2008-10-15T09:06:00.000-07:00

Blog Action Day, an annual nonprofit event that unites the world's bloggers, podcasters and videocasters to post about the same issue on the same day. This year's issue is poverty, and 11,000 bloggers around the world are posting on the topic.

So get busy!

If I had been born to Sarah Palin. . .

2008-09-16T09:55:00.000-07:00

. . .my name would be Engine Nighthawk Palin.

How do I know this? I tried The Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator, of course! It's very scientific.

Thanks to Anne Lamott for that link. (Have I mentioned lately how much I am in love with Anne Lamott?)

Also, if you haven't seen it, watch the intro from the most recent episode of SNL.

Thanks to Rob for links to the Anne Lamott stuff and the SNL clip. What would I do without you to send me the most awesomest anti-conservative stuff on the internet?

Regardless of how you feel about Hillary Clinton or Sarah Palin,

2008-09-05T08:11:00.000-07:00

this is an interesting article.

Check it.

2008-07-30T19:57:00.000-07:00

Searching for Pork in America with Mohammad

John Oliver has a great idea about "unfair trade"

2008-07-06T17:24:00.000-07:00

I don't really care about the site, but I really like the name.

2008-05-14T06:58:00.001-07:00

And the mission statement.

http://www.churchmarketingsucks.com/

2008-04-15T09:09:00.000-07:00

“And even though I am a feminist and even though I am religious, I secretly believe, in some mean little rat part of my brain, that I am my skin, my hair, and worst of all, those triangles of fat that pooch at the top of my thighs. In other words, that I am my packaging. Even though both feminism and Christianity have taught me that I am my spirit, my heart, all that I have survived over the years and all that I have given, still a funny thing happened after I started liking this guy: I looked in the mirror, and sighed, and thought to myself, I will cut my eyes out.” ~Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies

40 Years Later: An Email From Sojourners

2008-04-04T08:53:00.000-07:00

Today marks the 40th anniversary of the death of Martin Luther King Jr. - a tragic end to a life spent moving the nation towards racial justice and reconciliation.

But in the last few weeks, instead of building on his legacy, the news media have been in a feeding frenzy that plays on our worst fears and demeans the prophetic tradition of the black church.

Tell the television networks to honor King's legacy by covering racial issues in a way worthy of his dream.

Rev. Jeremiah Wright has preached for more than 3,000 hours in the course of his career, but the cable news networks have used a handful of 30-second clips, often taken completely out of context, to exploit racial fears.

Fox News has set the tone for much of this coverage. Even after Barack Obama rejected Rev. Wright's most incendiary comments, on-air host Sean Hannity asked whether Obama's candidacy was "dangerous for this country," saying, "if he agreed with Wright, and I don't know that he does, but if he did, that would mean a racist and an anti-Semite would be president of the United States."

Martin Luther King Jr. didn't endorse political candidates (and neither does Sojourners), but he knew something about attracting controversy from the pulpit. In fact, the week before his death, he was planning a sermon for that Sunday titled "Why America May Go to Hell."

But when King spoke difficult truths, he did so in the pursuit of what he called "the beloved community," believing the nation could overcome racial divisions not by ignoring them, but by coming together in the spirit of nonviolence to pursue the common good.

Click here to tell the media to use this anniversary for racial dialogue and reconciliation, not fear and division.

And please join us in praying that we all might have the courage to continue in King's mission to "redeem the soul of America."

Memo to Presidential Candidates

2008-04-01T12:50:00.000-07:00

I'm a fan of this guy, and I think this is an interesting proposal for the presidential front-runners. (Don't worry, he doesn't think this will actually happen.)

Amen, Tracy Morgan!

2008-03-16T12:37:00.000-07:00

A Crappy Anniversary

2008-03-11T08:36:00.000-07:00

Next week will mark five years since the United States invaded Iraq. We all lament the suffering and violence that continue after these five heartbreaking years, and we all share in responsibility for a war that has been waged in our names and with our tax dollars.

That's why I've added my name to a public statement repenting for the Iraq war, which Jim Wallis and other Christian leaders will be releasing next week - with the signatures of thousands of Christians of all theological and political stripes.

Support for U.S. wars and foreign policy is still the area where Christians are most "conformed to this world" (Romans 12:2). We must commit to put our love for Christ ahead of obedience to a misguided government, and to ask our brothers and sisters to join us in working for peace.
Will you join me in signing the statement?

Just click here.

What? I haven't posted in over two months?

2008-02-29T18:08:00.000-08:00

Don't get too excited--this isn't a real post, either. Although I did just see this guy in his Everything Must Change tour and LOVED it.

What's your theological worldview?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Emergent/Postmodern

You are Emergent/Postmodern in your theology. You feel alienated from older forms of church, you don't think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this.

Emergent/Postmodern

82%

Neo orthodox

57%

Classical Liberal

57%

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan

57%

Charismatic/Pentecostal

57%

Modern Liberal

54%

Reformed Evangelical

21%

Roman Catholic

18%

Fundamentalist

14%

My boss would’ve called this “horse-y”

2007-12-12T12:08:00.000-08:00

On Monday I got an email from the assistant to one of the ministers at my church. This email apparently went out to all small group leaders and said:
It’s time again for our ladies to host holiday teas as an outreach to your neighborhood. We have invitations, tea bags, and other goodies in the SFC at the ___________ campus. Just pick those up when you have a chance. We also have some dessert items at the _________ campus if you are interested.

So I thought about it and sent back an email today that said:
Hi, ______. Thanks for the email! Could you tell me if the men are being offered the opportunity to host teas as well or perhaps another comparable event? I'd hate to think that they're missing out on a ministry opportunity because of their gender.

I have not yet received a reply. I sort of hate that I unloaded on the messenger, but I, for one, am offended by the idea of a “holiday tea” for ladies. Next thing you know we’ll be making tiaras out of pipe cleaners and practicing our liturgical dancing between our appointed service times in the nursery.

Need help picking a presidential candidate?

2007-12-12T06:41:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure how truly helpful this is, but it is interesting.

Study: Texas Remains One of the Nation's Unhealthiest States

2007-11-20T09:34:00.000-08:00

Lack of health insurance, poverty and obesity plague state

AUSTIN— Texas ranked 37th among the 50 states in the 2007 edition of America’s Health Rankings. As in 2006, Texas came in dead last in the percentage of the population that had health insurance. Texas has ranked at the bottom or near the bottom in this category since the rankings were first published in 1990. The state ranked 15th in per capita public health spending at $179.

The report notes that the state’s challenges include “a high percentage of children in poverty at 22 percent of people under 18, a high incidence of infectious disease at 26.3 cases per 100,000 population and limited access to primary care with 95.5 primary care physicians per 100,000 population.”

The report also says that “Texas ranks lower for health determinants than for health outcomes, indicating that overall healthiness may decline over time.”

The state’s strengths include “few poor mental and physical health days per month at 3.0 days and 3.3 days, respectively, in the previous 30 days, a low prevalence of smoking at 17.9 percent of the population and a low rate of cancer deaths at 198.2 deaths per 100,000 population.”

The state also saw a drop in infant mortality (6.4 deaths per 1,000 live births, down from 9.3) and infectious disease prevalence, (26.3 cases per 100,000 population, down from 47.8). Obesity, however more than doubled in the past year from 12.3 percent to 26.1 percent of the population. Despite this increase, Texas actually improved its ranking (from 40th to 32nd) due to nationwide increases in obesity that were even larger.

“While it is disappointing to find Texas has not risen in this ranking based on key health indicators, it doesn’t come as a surprise to the physicians of the Texas Medical Association,” says Ladon Homer, MD, immediate past-president of the TMA. “Texas is becoming more obese, older, sicker, and more sedentary. We need to raise our ranking in protecting our children from disease through immunization, we have the highest percentage of uninsured people, and we have too many barriers to patients’ access to the care of a physician medical home.”

America’s Health Rankings is put out jointly by United Health Foundation, American Public Health Association and Partnership for Prevention. The report can be read in its entirety at: www.unitedhealthfoundation.org.

— Karen Branz Leach, Texas HealthFlash

"From what I have read this would cover many people that are already covered by private insurance."

2007-10-29T14:22:00.000-07:00

Alright, let's settle this once and for all. I have chosen some other sources that you might be more inclined to believe than me. There is even a picture in there for those of you who obviously haven't read all the other junk I posted.

1. The Associated Press
"At a cost of $35 billion over five years, the vetoed measure would have added nearly 4 million uninsured children to the insurance program. It provides coverage for those who are not poor enough to qualify for Medicaid, but whose families cannot afford private health care.

2. The Catholic Health Association

"MYTH: Children currently covered by other private insurance plans will be moved into SCHIP under the reauthorization proposals in Congress.
FACT: According to the non-partisan Congressional Budget Office, about two-thirds of the children who stand to gain coverage under the bills in Congress are currently uninsured."

3. Georgetown University Health Policy Institute Center for Children and Families
"Perhaps most notable, CBO estimates that most of the children (84 percent) who would gain coverage under CHIPRA would be low-income children—children who already are eligible for SCHIP or Medicaid under existing guidelines (Figure 1). Research shows that nearly seven out of ten of all uninsured children are already eligible for SCHIP and Medicaid but are not enrolled. The bill targets the newly available resources to reach this group of low-income children.

Income Rules. Since SCHIP was first enacted, federal law has accorded states the flexibility to set the income levels for the children they will cover subject to available federal and state resources. CHIPRA imposes new constraints on that flexibility. If a state decides in the future to cover children with family incomes above 300 percent of the federal poverty level, the state may only receive the lower Medicaid matching rate. In addition, by 2010 any state that covers children in that income range will have to show that they are implementing “best practices” designed to limit crowd out and meeting ambitious standards for coverage rates of low-income children. In the interim, the bill directs the General Accounting Office and the Institute of Medicine to develop best practice guidelines and measures of crowd out and coverage rates. These new rules would replace the August 17, 2007 directive issued by the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services.

Coordination between Public and Private Coverage. The bill allows states to operate
premium assistance programs for families through Medicaid and SCHIP that are cost-effective and ensure that children retain access to the full Medicaid and SCHIP benefits package. CHIPRA also includes changes to other federal laws designed to improve coordination between public and private coverage, including making the gaining or loss of eligibility for Medicaid or SCHIP a “qualifying event” for the purposes of eligibility for employer-sponsored coverage; requiring employers to share information about their benefits package with states so that states can assess cost-effectiveness and the need for “wraparound” services; and requiring employers to notify families of their potential eligibility for premium assistance. The General Accountability Office (GAO) will also conduct a study on premium assistance. "

This article is one-sided.

2007-10-25T14:13:00.000-07:00

But it's the side I agree with, so read, digest and enjoy, kids!

Poverty, after all, is not so much the absence of money as it is the absence of choices.

2007-10-24T13:27:00.000-07:00

"But Marty and I, Ric and Karen, Donna and Jeff, we all could go if we chose to, which is probably the most important thing that sets us apart in this neighborhood, for better and for worse. We’re educated and connected in ways that mean we can never really be poor, no matter how little we may make or live on. Poverty, after all, is not so much the absence of money as it is the absence of choices." ~Bart Campolo

Where have all the liberals gone?

2007-10-19T21:04:00.000-07:00

“It was one of those tortured, blame-filled, wounded conversations I associate with old boyfriends, where they get to come across as very calm and centered, while I sound ten minutes away from being institutionalized.” ~Anne Lamott, Plan B

I’m thinking that I must not come off as liberal enough, because I just had yet another experience of being “courted” by a conservative. He was a very good guy, and astonishingly honest, but it was not going to happen. (Okay, so there were some other reasons it was not going to work, but I'm still chalking this one up to his conservativism.)

Don’t get me wrong--conservatives are fine, and swell people, I’m sure, but I don’t want to date one. My theology and my political beliefs are more liberal than conservative, and I want to end up with someone who feels the same way, who gets what I’m saying, y’know?

I’m going to start wearing Birkenstocks and quit shaving my legs. Maybe that will convey the fact that I’m out to attract a liberal feminist. Or a feminist liberal. I'm fine with either one.

Proof that my desire to marry a feminist is a good idea

2007-10-18T09:14:00.000-07:00

Feminists Have More Fun

This is beyond ridiculous

2007-10-03T11:10:00.000-07:00

Every single American should be outraged. President Bush has just vetoed one of the most necessary pieces of legislation this year from his nice, comfortable chair in the White House (see post below). Meanwhile, around the country, nine million children lack the health care coverage that keeps them healthy now and does a great deal to ensure their health in the future.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with it, SCHIP is a state-federal partnership that basically acts as Medicaid for our youngest citizens (and therefore provides them with preventative and other types of much-needed health insurance). It has drastically reduced the number of uninsured children since its inception, and is a very necessary piece of the puzzle to ensure that the children of our country can receive the health care they need when they need it.

“Why would Dubya do something this heinous,” you ask, “especially when so many Republicans and state governors have asked him not to?”

Great question. Bush’s camp says that this bill costs too much.

Meanwhile, experts estimate that the Iraq war is costing us somewhere between $300 and $720 million every single day.

Bush’s people have also woven something into their messaging that I don’t understand: “Administration officials have argued that the bill would have moved children from families earning up to $83,000 per year into government insurance. . .”

First of all, it is my understanding that the $83,000 figure only applied to New York state, as the cost of living is so much higher there. It is also my understanding that this exception to the bill was not passed/included in the bipartisan bill, anyway, so the point is moot.

I agree that SCHIP is not a permanent fix to a huge and complex problem, but the fact remains that American children without health insurance need it NOW, to meet their health care needs right now, today. So while y’all fight over a permanent fix, please make sure our children are covered in the interim. It’s something that almost everyone in our country agrees on. . .except you, Dubya.

This had better be on the front page of every U.S. newspaper tomorrow

2007-10-03T10:50:00.000-07:00

From Modern Healthcare Online

Bush vetoes SCHIP legislation
Story posted: October 3, 2007 - 11:30 am EDT

President Bush has vetoed the House-Senate compromise bill to reauthorize the State Children’s Health Insurance Program.

The bill would have provided an additional $34.7 billion over five years funded by federal tobacco tax money, and it would have extended coverage to about 10 million children. The measure cleared the Senate—but not the House—with enough votes to override a presidential veto.

“The president’s veto is a slap in the face to America’s children. For millions of children in working families, it says, ‘No healthcare for you,’ ” said Ron Pollack, executive director of Families USA in a written statement.

Administration officials have argued that the bill would have moved children from families earning up to $83,000 per year into government insurance, and promoted socialized medicine.

HHS Secretary Mike Leavitt said last week that a compromise between the White House and Congress to reauthorize the 10-year-old program was still possible. Bush on Sept. 29 signed a budget resolution that would temporarily extend funding for the program, specifically helping 13 states whose SCHIP allotments have dried up.

In a written statement, Senate Finance Committee Chairman Max Baucus (D-Mont.) vowed that Congress would continue to work on overriding the veto. “In the coming days, we will do what the president has not done: We will stand up for American children in need,” Baucus said.

-- by Jennifer Lubell

The Healing Ministry

2007-09-11T11:34:00.000-07:00

For work, I’m writing an article on Jesus’ healing ministry. I’m thinking about examining the hemorrhaging woman who gets healed by touching Jesus’ robe because it’s one of my favorite stories. Can you imagine how elated and yet how afraid she must have been as she was healed and then called on the carpet for it? My favorite part of the story is best told in The Message—Jesus tells her that she is “healed and whole” and to “live well and live blessed.” She gets healing AND freedom, all in one five-minute time span! How cool is that?!

Any other ideas of stories I should mention specifically? (They don’t all have to be biblical. Documented anecdotes are allowed as well.)

Listen!

2007-08-21T11:43:00.000-07:00

In lieu of an actual post, here's one of my new favorite songs.

I stole this from Mike Cope's blog. . .

2007-07-27T14:33:00.001-07:00

. . .which I'm sure is good, but which I hardly ever read.

“With so much effort being poured into church growth, so much press being given to the benefits of faith, and so much flexing of religious muscle in the public square, the poor in spirit have no one but Jesus to call them blessed anymore.” ~Barbara Brown Taylor, Leaving Church: A Memoir of Faith

Another Article on Health Care Reform

2007-07-16T11:26:00.000-07:00

Interesting read.

Hillarycare revisited

More about health care reform, etc.

2007-07-11T08:03:00.000-07:00

This guy has stolen some interesting things that someone else said about a single-payer system.

I really liked this doctor's take on Michael Moore's Sicko and her explanation of different countries’ health care systems based on their cultures. It relies heavily on stereotypes, but is useful nonetheless.

Interesting suggestions on how to go about fixing the current health care system.

Sicko, the movie

2007-07-06T06:33:00.000-07:00

I haven't seen the movie yet, but this seems to be the most fair and unadulterated review to come across my desk thus far. I'm torn about this one, because I'm a fan of Michael Moore, but I also work in health care. I agree that the health care system in the U.S. is broken, but I don't think a single-payer system (universal health care) is the answer. I mean, I think the government has screwed up almost every job we've given them, so why would letting them run our health system be a good idea?

Editorial Observer
Some Thoughts on Sickness After Seeing ‘Sicko’
By PHILIP M. BOFFEY
Published: July 5, 2007, New York Times

As the author of many health care editorials, I was eager to see Michael Moore’s “Sicko,” a polemical attack on undeniable flaws in the way this country provides health care. The film is unashamedly one-sided, superficial, overstated and occasionally suspect in its details. But on the big picture — the failure to ensure that everyone who needs medical care gets it — Mr. Moore is right.

This is not just a matter of uninsured Americans, who now number some 45 million, forgoing needed treatment because it costs too much. There is some of that in the film, notably a vignette in which an uninsured man who accidentally lopped off the ends of two fingers on a power saw was told at the hospital that it would cost $12,000 to reattach one and $60,000 to reattach the other. He chose only the $12,000 option. A Canadian man had five fingers reattached without paying a dime.

For the most part, however, the film focuses on what happens to the 250 million Americans who do have health insurance. It delivers powerful anecdotes about middle-class Americans who are denied or can’t afford care even with their insurance and teary-eyed confessions from former insurance industry workers guilt-ridden over their role in consigning policyholders to severe illness or death.

A mother relates how she whisked her feverish toddler to the nearest hospital by ambulance only to find that her insurer would not cover treatment there. She was redirected to an in-network hospital where her child died shortly after arrival.

Although there are swipes at the pharmaceutical industry and at craven, industry-financed politicians, the main target is the health insurance industry, particularly the for-profit insurers and the managed care companies. A former insurance company “hit man” talks about combing through a patient’s past medical records and life history, looking for excuses to deny coverage. A young women says she was denied coverage because of a trivial yeast infection years earlier that she had not thought to mention when applying for coverage.

Yet it is hard to know how true the stories are — Mr. Moore never gives enough details to help viewers determine — or how common the abuses may be. The stories are told from the viewpoint of the victims, with nary a peep from the insurers and not much from doctors who might know whether the refused care was appropriate.

After all these depressing tales, the second half of the film ushers us into a nirvana of humane and caring treatment supposedly provided to the citizens of Canada, France, Britain and even Cuba, a needlessly provocative choice that detracts from the main message.

While Mr. Moore could find almost nothing good to say about American health care, he can find almost nothing bad to say about the government-run national health systems abroad. There is no acknowledgement of the months-long waits to see specialists in Canada and Britain, of the sick people who fall through the cracks in every system or of rising costs in virtually all countries.

The French system comes off as best, where the government dispatches home aides to help new mothers do the laundry and American expatriates extol the quality and promptness of care. We are left with the impression that these foreign systems are geared up to provide care, while our insurance companies are motivated to deny it.

As for Cuba, can it really be true that three volunteers who worked on the smoldering World Trade Center pile after 9/11 were unable to afford care in this country and had to visit Cuba to get it? The hospital they went to reportedly caters to dignitaries and foreign tourists and is hardly representative of health care for the Cuban masses.

Mr. Moore makes much of the fact that the World Health Organization ranked the United States 37th in an evaluation of health systems, only one notch above Slovenia. He failed to mention that it was two notches above Cuba.

Mr. Moore’s heart clearly lies with the single-payer, tax-supported, governmental health systems abroad. That solution would be hard to sell here, where suspicion of the insurance companies is matched if not exceeded by suspicion of the government. Yet the case for some form of universal coverage is strong. The claim that we provide the best medical care in the world is hollow; international comparisons rank us below other industrialized countries on measures of quality, access and clinical outcomes. Mr. Moore is right to ask how a country that spends so much more on health care than any other nation can’t take care of everyone who is sick.

Drop and give me 20!

2007-05-21T18:14:00.000-07:00

I know, I’ve been a blogging-slacker. (But, I would like to point out that I am still way ahead of Randy in this area. C’mon, dude. I’m posting, so now it’s your turn.)

I would also like to point out that I have a good excuse for slacking, and it’s called Fitness Boot Camp (or, as I like to think of it: getting up at an ungodly hour and paying someone a lot of money to torture me).

Three times a week, I get up before 5 a.m. and make my way to a little park near my apartment so I can have my mat, weights and water set up and be sufficiently stretched before we start class with a one-mile run. After that, each workout is different. Sometimes we work our legs, or our biceps/triceps, or maybe our abs.

And these are no sissy workouts either. The day after my first Boot Camp, I couldn’t walk, and all my kind and compassionate coworkers laughed at me as I shuffled down the hall. Thanks, guys.

I also have to keep an online log of everything I eat and hand it in each week for the trainer to look over. If that’s not intimidating enough, the website that houses this log gives me a grade on what I’ve eaten. Seriously—everything I put in my mouth is ranked from an A+ to a D-. I thought I ate pretty well, but the computer does not agree. Not only do things have to be not bad for me to get a good grade, they also have to be good for me and have some sort of nutritional value. I think the worst thing I’ve logged on the computer to this point is a huge chocolate chip cookie; I think that attempting to add anything worse would cause my computer to self-destruct.

Also, we do all these workouts outside, so you can imagine how much the mosquitoes appreciate this. I am firmly convinced that these mosquitoes were raised in some sort of radioactive fluid, because they are huge and apparently pretty stealthy. I’m constantly discovering bites on my neck, legs, face, etc. I’m going to have to start bathing in that deep-woods OFF with DEET. (When my coworkers can smell me all the way down the hall, they’ll be sorry for laughing at me. . .)

And let me tell you, these early mornings are taking a toll on me. I start getting tired around 8:30 or 9 at night—people keep telling me that I’ll get used to it, but I’m not so sure. Right now I feel like an old woman.

But, on the plus side, my biceps are getting pretty intimidating, and ONE of my calves is super-defined.

If I can get through these workouts without throwing up everything I've eaten for the past two days, I can do anything!

Well, maybe right after my nap.

Amen and Amen

2007-05-18T17:31:00.000-07:00

Okay, so it's sort of long and the print is small and his grammar isn't always perfect, but I think EVERYONE should read How Not To Make Justice Into Another Program At Your Local Church.

I found this article very interesting

2007-04-26T16:02:00.001-07:00

Study: Religion is Good for Kids

Books, Food, Etc.

2007-04-22T11:17:00.000-07:00

“Souls begin to enter this dark night when God proceeds to lead them from the
state of beginners, proper to those who meditate on the spiritual road, and
begins to set them in that of the progressives, which is, at length, that of
the contemplatives, to the end, that passing through this state, they may
reach that of the perfect, which is the Divine union of the Soul with God.”
~ Dark Night of the Soul, St. John of the Cross

Interesting things have been happening with and in my small group. I’m still getting my head around all of it, but I think I’ve just started out on a wild ride that has, effectively, ended my “Dark Night of the Soul.” As I start to learn more about it, I’ll try to put it in words that make some sort of sense. Now when people start sentences with “God told me”, I believe that God really did tell them something, and my ears perk up.

I am also being made increasingly aware of the power of the spoken word. I mean, God called worlds into being with words. Jesus used words to heal people of their diseases, drive out demons and to calm storms. What power our own words must have! This makes the practice of “claiming” things much more understandable.

I also never realized that in the first 2 chapters of Matthew, there are 5 instances of people being instructed by God (or God’s angel) through dreams. Who knew?

For Christmas, my brother and sister-in-law gave me a book off my wish list called Armchair Mystic, Easing Into Contemplative Prayer by Mark Thibodeaux. At the time, I placed it in my “books to read” pile, but I pulled it out a few days ago and have found it very useful and timely, especially as I’m sitting in airports. I think it will fill the gap until I find a mentor in some of this new “spiritual stuff.”

And speaking of airports, every time I have been in the San Antonio airport for the past few months, I have been lusting after a cookbook called The Pastry Queen. It’s a collection of recipes from a woman who owns/operates a bakery and café in Fredericksburg. This week while waiting for a flight, my coworkers and I stopped to browse in the bookstore and I broke down and bought it. (I figured it would save me shipping costs from ordering it online, anyway.) My coworkers wanted to know if I could bring some treats to work the next day, but I told them that with the way my calendar looks for the next month or so, it would be a while.

I’m still really excited about the cookbook, though! I’ve starting reading through it, and I really enjoy the way she tells a story about where each recipe came from. As soon as I can get out to the country to buy some fresh peaches, I’m going to get cooking!

Is there anything more spiritual than using common, everyday ingredients to create something spectacular? (And then experiencing the joy of tasting and relishing something spectacular?)

More Fun With Email!

2007-04-12T17:14:00.000-07:00

So one of my friends is sort of dating this new guy, and is a little worried about the amount of time they will be spending together in the coming days. (Like me, unfortunately, she wants a neon sign from the very beginning.) So another friend and I were trying to talk her out of worrying so much via email today. Here's what that other friend had to say:

Don't whine about the overflowing attention from what sounds like a pretty decent guy. : ) You deserve to have a good guy....don't be scared of him or you will regret it later. Just let it play out the way it is supposed to. You never know, if you reject it, God might punish you and give you one of the guys that are always falling in love with [A.Lo]. : )

Sicko

2007-04-02T15:01:00.000-07:00

I think I’m really starting to understand the positives and negatives about marriage.

If you’re married, then there’s someone to take care of your commitments for small group so you can keep napping on the couch in short, 30-minute increments between coughing spells. There is also someone around who will go to the store to buy you cough drops and fudgesicles so you don’t have to do it yourself.

On the other hand, there’s also someone around to wake up when you get out of bed every hour to get a drink or engage in some more coughing or to watch you drool all over your pillow. And there’s also someone around to make fun of how your voice suddenly sounds a whole lot like Darth Vader’s. (Luuuuuuke. . .)

Oh Man, How Did I Miss This?

2007-03-22T13:49:00.000-07:00

It took place in 2005, I think.

A Quote From Carrie Fisher

2007-03-20T09:38:00.000-07:00

“If my life weren’t funny, it would just be true. And that would be unacceptable.”

I bet it's the 1/3 that works on Capitol Hill. . .

2007-03-19T11:06:00.000-07:00

Study finds one-third in D.C. illiterate

I am woman, hear me whine in frustration.

2007-03-15T16:33:00.000-07:00

I was raised to be a strong woman, to believe that I could do anything I wanted to do and that I was destined for great things. I still firmly believe all of that. . .except perhaps when it comes to “home improvement” projects.

Recently, I have undertaken some small projects around the apartment, and 2/3 of them have not come out well. When I put together a cheapy cabinet I bought at Target (I’ll admit—I had to transport part of it to my parents’ house so my Dad could fix something that I couldn’t), I put one of the shelves in the wrong way, apparently. A cabinet that was supposed to be all white turned out to have one brown shelf. So did I take it apart and put it together all over again? You bet your sweet cheeks I didn't! (Besides, I faked it by using brute force to put most of it together the first time, anyway. I probably wouldn’t have been able to get it together again.) No, I painted the rogue shelf white and went on about my busy life.

Last weekend I borrowed a drill from my Dad and brought it home to install a (admittedly very cheap) curtain rod in my bedroom. It took me a while and a whole bunch of different drill bits, but I finally got a hole drilled. One. I got the little plastic stud-protector thing into the one hole, and then proceeded to put in the screw that came with the set. No problem. Then, however, I attempted to screw on the end of the curtain rod in exactly the same way as the little picture on the instructions dictated. No luck. The curtain rod end promptly fell off onto the floor. I investigated, and discovered that the screw is very small and the curtain rod-end is very big, so it makes sense to me that it wouldn’t stay on, but they all came in the same set. So what am I to do?

I don’t think they make screws big enough to hold up this curtain rod end-thingy. (That’s the technical term, in case you were wondering.) This means I am left with two curtains, one curtain rod, two stud protectors and three screws just sitting around on the floor in front of my bedroom window, taunting me. I wonder where I can rent someone who’s really good at this stuff. I have trouble even hanging pictures.

Still, I HATE the fact that I can’t do these things! I happen to be an intelligent woman--surely I can figure out a curtain rod or a cabinet. I can set the clock on my VCR, so this should stuff shouldn't be impossible, right?

Apparently not--the proof is scattered all over my bedroom floor.

Malaria, anyone?

2007-03-13T16:48:00.000-07:00

One of the few times I wish I was still a student (although I realize that there are many, many students out there who probably need the eye-opening aspect of the trip more than I do).

Scoots asks a great question

2007-02-26T08:28:00.000-08:00

about the middle class and its relation to the poor.

I'm seriously in love with Jimmy Carter.

2007-02-20T09:59:00.000-08:00

I watched a video called Carter vs. the Worms on nytimes.com about Jimmy Carter’s efforts to extend human rights in Africa (especially the human right of freedom from disease), and I HIGHLY recommend it.

The video’s sort of persnickety, but if you go to the New York Times' video site here and look for it at the bottom of the page, you should be able to click on and watch it. (If you have a semi-quick internet connection, be sure you set the player to a “high”, or it will come out all jankity.)

And bring on the chocolate!

2007-02-19T19:11:00.000-08:00

I'm giving up sweets for Lent, which begins this Wednesday, which is Ash Wednesday. (I know that because I'm an honorary Catholic now.)

I've never given anything up for Lent, but I needed an excuse to give up sweets for a while because I have an unhealthy attachment to them, and the last time I went to the doctor she preached me a sermon about how our metabolism slows as we get older and refined sugar goes right to your waist and blah, blah, blah.

And it seems like a good spiritual discipline. (Plus, the spiritual discipline of fasting just makes me cranky.)

Are you giving up anything for Lent? Why or why not?

What do you think about this?

2007-02-19T19:06:00.000-08:00

"If the time comes when despair sees violence as the only possible way, it is because Christians were not what they should have been. If violence is unleashed anywhere at all, the Christians are always to blame. This is the criterion, as it were, of the confession of sin. Always, it is because Christians have not been concerned for the poor, have not defended the cause of the poor before the powerful, have not unswervingly fought the fight for justice, that violence breaks out." ~Jacques Ellul

I'm torn--I think it's true that some people will fight no matter what Christians or any other people do. And yet I also believe that if Christians got together to fight for justice, the world would be a different place. Perhaps a better place.

Does that mean you can blame me for war?

(Regardless, it's not going to stop me from blaming George Bush, that's for sure. . .)

Shit.

2007-02-18T15:44:00.000-08:00

34,000 children die every day from hunger and preventable diseases.

Which sentence bothers you more?

Bird Flu & the Poor

2007-02-09T14:36:00.000-08:00

Op-Ed Contributor, New York Times
Who Pays to Stop a Pandemic?

By RUTH R. FADEN, PATRICK S. DUGGAN and RUTH KARRON
Published: February 9, 2007

BIRD flu has not yet turned into a pandemic, but it is already killing the meager hopes of some of the world’s poorest people for a marginally better life.

When poultry become infected with the deadly strain of avian influenza (H5N1), it is essential that all birds nearby be culled to prevent further spread. We all stand to benefit from this important pandemic prevention strategy, recommended by the World Health Organization and the United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization. Unfortunately, however, the world’s poor are unfairly shouldering the burden of the intervention.

Last month officials in Jakarta, Indonesia, announced a ban on household farming of poultry there. The domestic bird population of Jakarta is estimated at 1.3 million. Thousands of families were given until Feb. 1 to consume, sell or kill their birds. Now inspectors are going door to door to destroy any remaining birds.

The Indonesian government pledged to pay about $1.50 for each bird infected with the H5N1 virus, a sum that may approximate the bird’s fair market value. But most birds that have been killed under this policy are healthy, so their owners, most reports suggest, will receive nothing.

Moreover, it is not clear how Jakarta’s poor will replace the income they once received from chickens and other birds. When officials impose widespread culling, industrial-scale poultry producers — like the company that owns the large British turkey farm where bird flu was found this month — usually have the resources to absorb the losses. But when the birds of small-scale poultry farmers are culled, entrepreneurs who were just beginning to move up the development ladder can be plunged right back into poverty. The most dependent and vulnerable members of the community become even more dependent and vulnerable. “Backyard birds” are the only source of income for many women and children.

Families whose birds are found to be infected with the virus may suffer even more. People in Cambodia, China and India whose poultry have been blamed for avian influenza outbreaks have often been subject to extreme stigma and isolation, and there have even been reports of suicides by desperate farmers.

It is inevitable that the world’s poor will suffer most from a pandemic. A recent article in The Lancet predicted that if the next pandemic were to mimic the huge 1918 flu outbreak, 96 percent of an estimated 62 million deaths would occur in developing countries. But specific steps can and should be taken now to prevent or mitigate the injustices that are already occurring.

We are part of a group of 24 government officials, public health experts and scientists from 11 countries who recently met in Bellagio, Italy, with the support of the Rockefeller Foundation to call attention to how pandemic planning affects the world’s disadvantaged. We created a checklist for avian influenza control that explicitly calls on the authorities to compensate people who suffer losses from bird-culling programs, regardless of whether the destroyed birds are infected with the avian influenza virus.

Such a program in Jakarta alone would be expensive. Just to compensate families for their culled birds would require nearly $2 million, not including the cost of administering the program. Indonesia’s domestic bird population countrywide is estimated at 300 million, so if the culling program were to be expanded beyond Jakarta, the total compensation cost could run as high as $450 million.

Indonesia’s avian influenza budget for the coming year is reported to be less than $50 million. Clearly, without donor assistance, the government cannot afford to compensate families and farmers fairly. So the burden of pandemic prevention must also fall on the world’s wealthy nations.

Last year, the United States, the European Union and other nations pledged more than $2 billion to the global war chest for avian influenza response. Developing a program to compensate poor families in countries with limited resources is an enormous challenge. But it is time that the money pledged by the donor countries reach the people who are already the first victims of the next pandemic.

Ruth R. Faden is the executive director and Patrick S. Duggan is the research coordinator of the Johns Hopkins Berman Institute of Bioethics. Ruth Karron is the director of the Center for Immunization Research at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health.

Wow. That's quite the turn around.

2007-02-07T06:53:00.000-08:00

Ousted Pastor ‘Completely Heterosexual’
By NEELA BANERJEE
Published: February 7, 2007, New York Times

Forced by a gay sex scandal to resign as president of the National Association of Evangelicals, the Rev. Ted Haggard now feels that after three weeks of intensive counseling, he is “completely heterosexual,” says an overseer of the megachurch Mr. Haggard once led.

The church official, the Rev. Tim Ralph, said in an interview published yesterday by The Denver Post that Mr. Haggard had also told the board of overseers that his only sexual relationship involving another man had been with Michael Jones, the onetime Denver prostitute who exposed that three-year affair last fall. Mr. Jones said then that he was making it public because Mr. Haggard had acted hypocritically in promoting a constitutional amendment to bar same-sex marriage.

Mr. Haggard, who as a result of the scandal was ousted by the overseers in November as senior pastor of New Life Church in Colorado Springs, broke a three-month silence over the weekend when he contacted members of the church by e-mail to tell them that he was healing.

His three weeks of counseling, in Phoenix, felt like “three years’ worth of analysis and treatment,” but now “Jesus is starting to put me back together,” Mr. Haggard wrote in the e-mail message, which was published in The Colorado Springs Gazette on Monday.

“I have spent so much time in repentance, brokenness, hurt and sorrow for the things I’ve done and the negative impact my actions have had on others,” he said.

Mr. Haggard could not be reached for comment yesterday. Mr. Ralph declined through a spokeswoman to comment, and there was no response to telephone calls and e-mail to another overseer or to a New Life spokesman. But Mr. Ralph told The Denver Post that Mr. Haggard had come out of the counseling convinced of his heterosexuality.

“He is completely heterosexual,” Mr. Ralph told The Post, adding that Mr. Haggard’s homosexual activity had not been “a constant thing.”

Dr. Jack Drescher, a New York psychiatrist who is an expert on issues of gender and sexuality, said that while it was people’s prerogative to identify their sexual orientation as they wanted, the notion of being able to change that orientation was “not consistent with clinical presentations, but totally consistent with theological belief.”

“Some people in the community that Mr. Haggard comes from believe homosexuality is a form of behavior, a sinful form of behavior based on certain things in the Bible, and they don’t believe you can create a healthy identity based on sinful behavior,” Dr. Drescher said. “So they define it as a behavior that can be changed, and there is this thinking that if you control those behaviors enough, heterosexual attractions will follow.”

Mr. Haggard said in his message to New Life members that he and his wife were taking online courses to get master’s degrees in psychology, and Mr. Ralph told The Post that the oversight board had recommended to Mr. Haggard that he take up secular work.

I've got it!

2007-02-06T18:43:00.000-08:00

Maybe my new spiritual gift is jumping. I'm apparently pretty good at it.

Daily Emails

2007-02-06T18:26:00.000-08:00

I was cleaning out my inbox today, and found responses to some emails I'd written to some college buddies. Thought they might interest you. I apologize that they don't come with a cool Strongbad song.

About the new singles small group I joined through another church in the area:
The biggest news in my life currently is that my small group leader asked me to take attendance on Sunday nights. I guess this means I am an official member, and that I really have to be committed to attending now. Apparently, they asked another girl to do attendance before me, but then they figured out that it would be a better use of her spiritual gifts to coordinate our meal every week. (I agree, she’s a "take charge kinda gal" and seems to have great organizational skills, which makes her perfect for the job.) I guess, then, that means that my gift is attendance taking? I was really hoping on having some other kind of spiritual gift. I mean, I USED to have some other spiritual gifts. . .but I’m not sure that I have them anymore. Can you lose spiritual gifts? And then gain really boring new ones in their place?

I think, too, the people in the small group aren’t really sure how to handle me. The girls know that I did foot care and lived in the inner city for a year, which generally makes people assume that I am either really holy or really weird. (And let’s be honest--I am SO much closer to really weird.) I have a hard time coming up with things to talk about with all the group members, because I am trying to hide my flaming liberal-ness, at least for a while. I mean, you don’t give away all your quirks on a first date, right? So I think I either come off as bland because I'm introverted and people don’t know about my inner-city stuff, or holy/weird because they do. I think I am probably expecting too much too soon, but it doesn’t really feel like “home” to me, y’know? I want to have a group of people who really understands where I’ve been and the things I learned/believe because of it and who can support me in figuring out how to live my life as this person who is totally different from who she was three years ago. Maybe that’s just expecting too much in general, and I should be happy that perhaps I’m making friends with people who can go to the movies with me. Or maybe none of that can happen until I fess up to my flaming liberal-ness. I dunno.

About dating:
In other news, I made this deal with myself on my last birthday that if I was still single by my next birhtday, I’d start internet dating. (And then I hoped really hard that I wouldn’t be single on my next birthday because, really, who wants to internet date?) With my next birthday getting closer every day (and no interesting men in sight), I think I’ve changed my mind. The more I think about it, the more I realize that there are only so many hours in a day, and I only have so much time to devote to certain things in my life (and I already devote more to TV than I probably should). So why waste time going out on dates with stupid, scary men? It would make for some good stories, I’m sure, but I think I already have more than my share of good stories, at least where my love life is concerned. No, it seems more useful to devote my extra time to volunteering somewhere. I still tutor /play with kids at the afterschool program run by my church every other week, but it doesn’t seem like enough. Besides, I’d rather be known as someone who worked to make a difference than someone who had a lot of dates. (And, you know, as an added bonus, this means I get out of internet dating.) So now I’m looking for some other volunteer sites that will make me feel useful, like I have another purpose in life than getting up and going to work in the morning.

And about dating again:
I don't know, I blame culture and the church for teaching us that the only way we can be happy is if we are married. I mean, how many chick flicks have we seen that preach that message? And doesn't the church do a horrible job of meeting singles' needs? They're all about sermons on marriage and how to stay married, but how to be a good single seems to fall through the cracks somehow. And yet we grew up with all these sermons against divorce. So we're left with the message that we won't be happy until we're married, and we have to stay that way, so we'd better do a good job of picking a husband. That's a huge burden to carry, and I think that makes us put a lot of pressure on the beginning of the relationship. I mean, why waste time if he isn't "the one"? So we (at least those of us who are control freaks like me) want to know as soon as possible if he's the one, so if he's not, we can get on to finding one who's better. And I think as you get older, the amount of guys to choose from shrinks, so you feel increasing pressure with each year to find him and find him fast. But I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to know if a guy will be a good husband and father. That's important stuff to know. My problem is that I want fireworks and a flashing neon sign on the first date, and that doesn't always happen. In fact, I think it probably hardly ever happens.

www.postsecret.com

2007-01-27T14:31:00.000-08:00

Word.

My cat died today

2007-01-25T19:30:00.000-08:00

It makes me sad. We had that cat since I was in, like 5th grade, and although it lived with my parents when we both moved, it still makes me a little teary. And I just ran out of the good Kleenex with the lotion in it.

Documentary Alert!

2007-01-25T10:11:00.000-08:00

If you get HBO, you should tape this for me. (My boss said she'd try, but it will all depend on whether or not she can figure out her VCR/DVR/Tivo.)

Man, I've got to quit sounding like such a tree-hugger Californian on my blog, or people will start thinking I eat tofu and brown rice for lunch. Oh wait. . .I do eat tofu and brown rice for lunch.

A Culture of Faith, Devoted Yet Complex
By ALESSANDRA STANLEY

There is a God, and he punishes those who overreach on television.

Until he was removed from his ministry last November for “sexually immoral conduct” (he was accused of having sex with a male prostitute and buying illegal drugs), the Rev. Ted Haggard was the president of the National Association of Evangelicals and one of the most prominent spokesmen for the Christian right.

“You know all the surveys say that evangelicals have the best sex life of any other group,” Mr. Haggard waggishly told a documentary filmmaker a few months before his secret came out. On “Friends of God: A Road Trip With Alexandra Pelosi,” which will be shown tonight on HBO, Mr. Haggard coaxes a member of his congregation to say how often he has sex with his wife (“Every day. Twice a day.”) and how often she climaxes (“Every time”).

You could almost see the wrathful lightning bolt striking down from the heavens.

The Bible Belt is the Loire Valley of American extremism — visitors glide across vast highways in the South and West to marvel at the revivalist megachurches and “Honk for Jesus” road signs with the giddy awe of tourists exploring an alien civilization. And like Chenonceau or the vineyards of Sancerre, Christian evangelical churches rarely disappoint.

In his hit comedy, “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan,” the comedian Sacha Baron Cohen already proved how open and trusting born-again believers can be in front of a television camera. Posing as a naïve journalist from Kazakhstan, Mr. Cohen was welcomed at a Pentecostal meeting where worshipers spoke in tongues and helped him accept Jesus as his savior.

The French writer Bernard-Henri Lévy took a more self-serious tour of evangelical Christianity when he retraveled the road taken by Alexis de Tocqueville in his study of the modern American psyche, “American Vertigo.” (Mr. Lévy found New World religiosity a little less admirable than his predecessor did.)

“Friends of God” is not intended as a satire or even an exposé; Mr. Haggard’s fall from grace occurred after the filming was complete and is summed up in a postscript.

The documentary is a good-natured travelogue: it glances on the more intolerant and grotesque manifestations of Christian fundamentalism and also the faith’s vast following and political clout. Ms. Pelosi’s film doesn’t go deep; it doesn’t even explore why so many televangelists seem to follow the trajectory of Elmer Gantry. But it doesn’t snicker. “Friends of God” serves as a breezy, colorful reminder of how George W. Bush became president, why Fox News has the highest ratings of any 24-hour cable news network and why Democrats didn’t win an even greater landslide in the 2006 elections.

Ms. Pelosi is the daughter of the newly elected House speaker, Nancy Pelosi, and this is her third HBO film, and the one furthest afield from her natural habitats of Washington, New York and San Francisco. The first documentary, “Journeys With George,” was a mischievous, camcorder-look inside the world of the presidential campaign. (Ms. Pelosi was an NBC News producer on Mr. Bush’s press plane.) Her second, “Diary of a Political Tourist,” a smart-alecky, first-person tour of the Democratic primary process, was less winning.

Ms. Pelosi stays off camera and out of the way in “Friends of God,” and we only occasionally hear her voice. “So explain to me the concept of this Biblical mini golf,” the filmmaker says to a man who putts on a paper-and-glue parted Red Sea. (The ninth hole is a papier-mâché miniature of the Holy Sepulchre.)

Mostly, Ms. Pelosi lets pastors, creationism teachers, Christian stand-up comics and rockers and the founder of the Christian Wrestling Federation speak for themselves.

“So we do have a public relations problem; we always have — they killed Jesus if you’ll recall,” Mr. Haggard tells her. “And the church has always had this problem because we are the ones with the role to say, ‘There is a moral plumb line, and we need to rise up to it.’ ” At this point, the disgraced minister seems almost to foreshadow his own fate.

“And that’s also why secular people are so concerned when the church doesn’t fulfill its own moral standard,” he said. “Like if a pastor falls into corruption or becomes dishonest or greedy: it’s heartbreaking because even secular people want godly people to be authentically godly.”

FRIENDS OF GOD

A Road Trip With Alexandra Pelosi

HBO, tonight at 9, Eastern and Pacific times; 8, Central time.

Written, directed and produced by Alexandra Pelosi; Lisa Heller, supervising producer; Sheila Nevins, executive producer

If you live in Texas,

2007-01-18T08:46:00.000-08:00

and know someone affected by domestic violence. . .or even if you don't, please take a moment to call on the Texas State Legislature to support full funding for domestic violence programs. The Texas Council on Family Violence is working to send 15,000 Purple Postcards to the Legislature this year. They will hand-deliver the postcards that are submitted online to the Legislature prior to the 2007 session, so go please visit them online here.

Thanks to Kim for sending this link.

Critical AIDS and Poverty Assistance Funding in Jeopardy

2007-01-12T06:11:00.000-08:00

Read about it here and use the "Take Action" link at the bottom to contact your local representatives and the president. (You don't even need to know who they are--World Vision will locate them for you based on your zip code.)

Is there a point?

2007-01-06T19:28:00.000-08:00

I’ve been thinking lately about church, and why I should go. Right now, I’m still attending church because I made a 15-month commitment to one, and I’m about one-third of the way through it. If I hadn’t made that commitment, I’m not sure if I’d be attending church at all.

When I moved here a little over a year ago, I church-shopped religiously (excuse the pun), and attended the church I chose on a fairly regular basis. I spend quite a few weekends away from home, but when I was in town, I was there.

I think this is because I had decided that if I was going to find a community (including, especially, people my age) who had similar values and goals and who would put as much time and effort into supporting me as I did them, I would have to find it in a church.

Unfortunately, however, it turns out that my values and goals are largely different than what I picked up on at most Christian gatherings I attended, and the groups of people my own age there felt too much like cleverly disguised meat markets. (If I was desperate, I’d go on The Bachelor, not to church.)

When I started attending my current church, the singles group was small, but friendly, and I imagined that this could be my community. It wasn’t perfect, but it felt inclusive-- there were even some members of the group who lacked average social skills and mental capacities. While those people might have been harder to support/love, I liked that they were part of the group. I figure that’s what Christianity, at its core, is all about: loving the unlovable.

Little did I know, however, that many of the members of this group were carrying around some incredibly scary group-related baggage, and while they really wanted the group to work, they didn’t know how to fix it. This later led to a few well-intentioned but extreme (and also somewhat scary) last-ditch efforts.

Long story short, a few months ago, the remaining members of the group (quite a few had left) who had average or higher social skills and mental capacities asked for a meeting with the elder over the singles group and the preacher. At that meeting, we asked them to let the group die. We were requesting a mercy killing, actually, because the group had gotten so small that there weren’t enough “average or above” members to support the others. If the “stronger brothers” are outnumbered, then the situation can’t last.

I was told by the preacher that the rest of the group would find other ways to be supported by the church, and I believed him. So he and the elder told us they would take until January 1 to come up with a story that considered the “weaker brothers” and was as loving as possible (yet incredibly final) about why the group needed to dissolve.

I should also mention that those of us from the singles group who were present at that meeting were hosting events at our houses on a regular basis and attending singles class on Sunday mornings, as well as other events. We were asking for the class to cease, but mostly for the group as a whole to take a break for a little while, because we were overextended. (And I fully admit that I was having lots of trouble loving one of the “weaker brothers”.)

Another problem that I had recently realized about the group was that it wouldn’t attract new members in its current state, because it obvious that the group dynamic was unstable and taxing. I mean, who wants to join a group that’s obviously more work than it’s worth and swiftly going under? It’s sad, but building up the “stronger” part of the group was not really an option.

So long story short, the elders and ministers did not end the singles class or the group itself. However, I think they handled it well, as far as the “weaker” members of the group are concerned. The elder over the singles group was willing to carry the burden it presented, which was his prerogative. All in all, I think they did the right thing, the better thing, but I still felt like it wasn't exactly what was promised.

And my "church" issues, added to the fact that I haven’t really gotten anything out of a worship service in a very long time, make me question the point of church, anyway. I guess these feelings started in Mission Year—it’s like most church services go around me instead of through me. And now that our group has died and I have no community to speak of—and, honestly, not even someone to go to the movies with—what’s the point? (I guess if I get really desperate, I could always ask staring-at-my-chest-guy to go to the movies with me. My friends keep telling me that mental capacity and social skills really aren’t that important, anyway.)

Over Christmas, my grandmother expressed her views on how important corporate worship services are, but I’m not so sure. I think community is important. I think loving each other is important. I think talking about the things that are important to God is important. I think spending time observing rituals that have real meaning is important. (I admit: the way most churches do communion seems useless to me. I can commune with God at home, on my couch. I can’t, however, commune with his people there, so it seems like communion should be time spent with God’s people, doing things that matter, like breaking bread together. I think sharing a meal is one of the most important and sacred acts that people can share.)

I’ve heard people say that “you get out what you put in” regarding corporate worship services. I think that’s crap, because I don’t even know what to put in. I agree that it’s stupid to go to church expecting everything to be catered to you as an individual, and it makes sense that having a bad attitude about corporate worship probably doesn’t help, but that still sounds like another Christian platitude to me.

And yet, I’m going to church tomorrow morning. I’m going because I’ve committed to it. I’m going because I’ve been in my apartment most of the weekend. But most of all, I’m going because there are good people there. And while I might never find true community with people my own age there (or even, God forbid, someone to go to the movies with), I truly believe that the people there are good people. And there’s something to be said for spending time with good people.

Happy New Year!

2007-01-01T09:08:00.000-08:00

I think it is important that, at the start of this new year, we take some time to reflect on 2006, to identify the high points, celebrate our successes and think back on what we could have done better.

Or we could just let Dave Barry make fun of all of it for us.

Deal Breakers

2006-12-14T12:46:00.000-08:00

So I have this friend who is in the very, very early stages of a relationship. I think in high school, we would've called this phase "talking." Anyway, she's at that point where you try to find out if the other person has something HUGE wrong with them so you can be sure if they're worth pursuing. That got us talking about "deal breakers," which I realize is a term that you might not be familiar with. I think it's a phrase we learned from Dr. Phil. (We used to watch his show when we were in college, because he made us laugh by saying things like "Yer fat 'cause you WANNA be fat!" That one stayed on the quote board for weeks.) Yeah, so Dr. Phil used the term "deal breaker" to describe something that you absolutely would not tolerate in a significant other.

I volunteered to post a list of the deal breakers we came up with so her potential new beau could take a look at them. Here's what we got:
1) Committed a homicide/other felony
2) Shortness
3) Gnarly teeth
4) Face-licking (Seriously. Guys, this is NEVER sexy. It does not turn us on, it just gets our face all gross. We have also determined that leading with the tongue when kissing is seriously bad form.)
5) No sense of humor
6) Old (Which we realize is relative. What's old to her is not necessarily old to me. But then again, I have dated some REALLY OLD guys. :-)
7) Not getting out of the car and coming to the door when you pick us up for a date. (Honking is NEVER allowed.) What are we, a bucket of fried chicken?
And one of my personal favorites (although maybe not one of hers):
8) Asking if you can kiss me. If you are relatively sure that kissing me is okay, then go for it. If not, then keep your lips off me, but don't ASK.

That's all I can remember from our conversation. If you think of any you'd like to add, feel free.

I love despair.com

2006-12-01T20:20:00.000-08:00

This post is rated PG-13, but it's still totally worth your time

2006-11-08T18:24:00.000-08:00

So in August, I said this: “Lately, I can’t handle certain boys anymore, and have just quit trying. Seriously. I’m quitting boys because there’s too much other crap going on, and I can’t handle it. Nor do I want to.”

And I thought I meant it, but I guess I didn’t.

I mean it now.

I’m so tired of dealing with guys. I’m just going to quit them. Quit guys altogether. They’re either not getting straightforward rejection or cutting me off in traffic or staring at inappropriate parts of my body or offering to “set me up with somebody” or getting all up in my business, and I don’t appreciate it.

But I suppose the crowning glory was last night, during a discussion about our church with some members of the singles group and one past member. I was trying—and doing a horrible job—of explaining this missional steering committee idea and what we actually do, and how part of our job is discerning how our church can become relevant to our neighborhood and society and how God is at work in our church and city and world, and we have the great opportunity to plug into that if we could be less “it’s all about me” focused. And a male friend commented that he didn’t approve of that discerning scenario. I told him—lovingly—that it didn’t matter, because he wasn’t a member there anymore anyway, so what did he care?

Then, he let me know that he doesn’t like the fact that a young woman is discerning the direction of the church. At which point I believe I reiterated my previous statement. I didn’t get angry about it at the time, but I’ve had a while to think about it since then. (When I told one of my best friends about it last night, I think she was slightly shocked that I wasn’t really upset. So she was upset for me, which is what best friends are for.)

But I think if this friend had attacked my discernment abilities, then I might have agreed with him. I mean, God has been pretty silent since Mission Year, and I have never tried to hide that fact. Actually, this friend and I had just spent part of Friday night discussing this as we were on our way to pee-in-a-hole camping. Instead, however, he attacked my sex and my age.

This makes no sense to me. I know that this friend has one of those the-man-is-in-charge-and-the-woman-does-all-the-submitting philosophies (I think this is partially because he needed a companion to his homosexuals-can-be-counseled-into-heterosexuality philosophy, and I guess they’re a matching set), but I still don’t see what that has to do with my discernment capabilities. I mean, does the fact that I have a vagina instead of a penis make me a bad discerner? Does the penis act like an antenna? Does it allow the man to hear God more clearly? If so, then I missed THAT day of bible class. (But I really would love to hear Roy Parker say the word penis, lol.)

And as far as my age is concerned, I’m not sure that I’ve gotten any better at hearing God as I’ve gotten older. Maybe we should just ask very young kids what God would want us to do. I bet they’ve got some pretty radical and humorous ideas. . .we’ll just have to ask only the male children, I guess.

And, y’know, when my friend made the comment about my age and sex, I think the rest of the people in the room expected my head to explode. But it didn’t—I still love my friend, and I understand that I was doing a really crappy job of explaining the purpose of this steering committee. And I tease him all the time about his conservative-ness. Maybe I expected him to have more faith in me, but I guess I forgot that his conservative views aren't just a joke.

And yet. . .I hope my friend hears God. And I hope God tells him that I’m right. And then I hope God tells him that she really is a woman and to stop thinking with his penis.

Come to think of it, I’d really like to hear God say the word penis, too.

Text Messaging Fun

2006-11-05T17:26:00.000-08:00

So Thursday night, Whitney texted me, asking what I was up to. I was up to finalizing camping plans, though, and didn’t text her that night. But I did text her the next night, on the way to my friend John’s cabin.

Me: I’m going camping tonight. Like pee-in-a-hole camping.

Whitney: Wow. Is this your way of telling me you’ve been kidnapped?

I'm a huge slacker.

2006-10-17T19:16:00.000-07:00

I know, I'm sorry. Work has just kept me running in circles this month, and it's not over yet. I'm off to another country on Thursday morning, and I feel like I've lost hold of this thing that's supposed to be my life.

And yet, I like it. (Work, I mean.) I really like my coworkers, we have a great time together. Last week, while we were away at a conference, we sat around drinking wine and talking and I laughed so hard my stomach hurt.

And my bosses (including the CEO) as well as my coworkers are so great about recognizing me for the work I've done and appreciating me and making me feel needed. I guess I lost some of that moving here, because I came with no defined place, no parameters, no one depending on me and no real sense of purpose, except to do a good job and hopefully find some friends.

And at this point, I'm doing a good job, and probably getting more work thrown my way because of it. But hey, it's what I got. And Anne says the rule is that the people who show up are the right ones.

Next time I blog I'll do my best to tell you about coming clean to my coworkers about what I'm really looking for in a man and eating at a restaurant owned by an Iron Chef. And maybe about lunch at Bueno. You just never know, kids. Life's an adventure.

This made me laugh out loud. Read the article.

2006-10-09T18:33:00.000-07:00

"As Frost might have written, 'The woods are lovely, dark and thick. But I have many butts to kick and some to poke and just one stick.' " ~Garrison Keillor

www.postsecret.com

2006-10-02T19:17:00.000-07:00

Ironic, isn't it?

2006-09-22T20:32:00.000-07:00

War price on U.S. lives equal to 9/11

Some days are just that way

2006-09-21T19:33:00.000-07:00

"I called the person with whom I was angriest, and I apologized for harboring resentment toward her. She said, 'I'm so glad you called. That was brave of you.' I tugged at my Mary.

It was one of those tortured, blame-filled wounded conversations I associate with old boyfriends, where they get to come across as very calm and centered, while I get to sound ten minutes away from being institutionalized." ~Anne Lamott, Plan B, Further Thoughts on Faith

www.postsecret.blogspot.com

2006-09-12T17:25:00.000-07:00

I know this is cheating, but I've been in high heels for 3 days straight

2006-09-08T19:32:00.000-07:00

"All human beings should try to learn before they die what they are running to, and from, and why." ~James Thurber

A Fairy Tale

2006-08-26T19:15:00.000-07:00

I got this in an email from Lorisa, and it made me laugh out loud. I just had to share.

THE WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE

Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy "Will you marry me?" The guy said no, and the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing and drank Margaritas, always had a clean house, never had to cook, stayed skinny, and farted whenever she wanted.

The end.

M-I-S-S-I-O-N-A-L

2006-08-15T19:54:00.000-07:00

Here are some excerpts from articles/websites I reference in my previous post about being Missional. (If you haven't read it, start there. Staring here is like reading the last page of the book first, and I hate that.)

Despite, however, the diversity of biblical language and concepts, certain features appear consistently enough throughout Scripture to provide a broad, working definition of the mission of God. God works to create a distinct community to participate in his life for the sake of the world. Notice in this definition that God’s mission is not primarily to save individual souls. While individuals who embrace the mission of God receive the blessing of salvation, God’s work is most clearly seen in a contrast community that bears the marks of God’s redemption. From this perspective, mission is more than just evangelism or service. The mission work of God also includes the formation of a visible community demonstrating the reign of God.

The move to a missional church perspective will require dramatic shifts in congregational life. Take, for instance, the practice of evangelism. In vendor churches, evangelism appeals to seekers focusing on their individual needs. Salvation is portrayed as a personal experience where God is invited to become a part of “my life.” In contrast, evangelism rooted in notions of the mission of God invites persons to abandon lives focused on their own interests to join the work of God for the sake of the world. Instead of viewing salvation as inviting God into “my life,” missional evangelism invites participants into God’s life—a life which is communal by its very nature. Salvation, therefore, may be personal, but never private. Vendor church plants might seek locations where the church can grow the fastest. They value homogenous churches—churches where people look the same and share the same interests, concerns, etc—because these churches grow the fastest. Missional church plants might prioritize locations where God is most interested in having people present for the work of mercy, faith, and justice. Because the mission of God involves breaking down barriers created by human societies, missional churches value diversity. In its rich variety, the church demonstrates God’s mission to create a new humanity.

"Feeling screwed up at a screwed up time in a screwed up place does not necessarily make you screwed up." ~Mark Hunter, Pump Up The Volume

"Jesus came to raise the dead. He did not come to teach the teachable; He did not come to improve the improvable; He did not come to reform the reformable. None of those things works."~Robert Farrer Capon

Just how deafening is the silence?

2006-08-15T19:44:00.000-07:00

Last Tuesday night, I went to church. Not my church, but a suburban church that holds a service for young singles. I went to the service pretty regularly right after I moved here, but then it got to be a little much for me (and the boy I was interested in quit showing up, too) so I haven’t been in a while.

A month or two ago I visited, and had a great time. I sat in the back of the dark church and just rested and listened. That’s really why I went back last week; I figured I could do the same thing again, but I was wrong. We were shoved into a small room, and there really was no “back” to hide in.

“Couldn’t you have rested and listened in the dark in your house?”, you might ask. Of course. But I wouldn’t have.

So there I was, amid the jumping young singles, not in the back, listening to the Singles Minister talk about fearing God and listening to his voice. He said that when you don’t hear God’s voice, it’s because you haven’t been faithful in listening. Or, usually, because God’s answer is no. But I, of course, have to disagree. I even went as far as taking personal offense.

Here’s the deal:
Over the last few weeks, I have been talking with some of the members and the preacher at my church about what it means to be Missional. As far as I can tell, this is a term coined by Christians, because those little squiggly red lines come up under it any time I type it. And it’s not in the dictionary.

The best way I can describe a Missional mindset is to say that it’s the effort to move the church, as a local body, from a Country Club Mentality (if you look like us and act like us and talk in a way that we approve of, you can join) to one where the members live out and participate in the Kingdom of God, whatever that means and whatever that looks like in their neighborhood. You can find some more info about it at these sites, but I only skimmed them, so I make no promises as to their specific intelligence, but I do think they’ll help explain the idea:
Friend of Missional
Internet Monk.Com
FAQs
ACU College of Biblical Studies Newsletter (first article only)

And I was asked to think about being on a Missional Steering Committee for our church, which is a 15-month commitment. This Missional idea really appeals to me, and it is something I feel strongly about. But they told us to pray about it, and some even said that we only needed to accept if we felt that we had a “calling” for this work.

So I asked God: Do I have a calling?

And God didn’t say anything.

So I asked some of my friends and family to pray.

And we asked God: Do I have a calling?

And still, no answer.

So I fasted. And I said: God, I want to do something. I feel strongly about this. Let me know if you don’t want me to do it.

And I just got hungry. Which made me cranky. And God sure didn’t budge.

So I figured that if God had a strong opinion, He or She had the responsibility and ample opportunity to let me know. But He or She had not. So I did what I thought was best. I accepted the invitation to be on the Steering Committee. I know the work will be hard, and annoying, at times, but I am amazed by the opportunity to dream about what our church should be, to dialogue with God about it (providing that He or She answers). There’s no right or wrong answer here, there’s no way to fail. We just want to become what God wants us to be where we are, and that’s HUGE.

And you know, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that God rarely speaks to me clearly. I can count on one hand the times that I have actually audibly heard God’s voice. And once it called my name. And the other times it told me that He or She loved me very much. I do tend to get a feeling that I should or shouldn’t do something, but I don’t know if that’s always God. Maybe it is.

I like what my friend Anne has to say about it in Plan B: "I try to listen for God’s voice inside me, but my sense of discernment tends to be ever so slightly muddled. When God wants to get my attention, She clears Her throat a number of times, trying to get me to look up, or inward–and then if I don’t pay attention, She rolls Her eyes, makes a low growling sound, and starts kicking me under the table with Her foot."

And right now, I’d really like God to give me some advice, some direction. Many times lately, I’ve felt like I’m in way over my head at work; I love that my bosses trust me and give me lots of responsibilities, but sometimes I feel way out of my league. I also feel responsible for fixing problems in our singles group that are not all my responsibility (and that I don’t know how to fix, anyway), and that’s a heavy burden to bear. I feel like I should be making friends elsewhere, but I don’t really have an elsewhere, so I’m worrying about how to get that done. Lately, I can’t handle certain boys anymore, and have just quit trying. Seriously. I’m quitting boys because there’s too much other crap going on, and I can’t handle it. Nor do I want to.

But that’s all to say that I’d really love to hear the voice of God, but based on experience, I’m not going to hold my breath. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that perhaps God is very intentional about the things I hear Him/Her say. Maybe God’s keeping it simple ‘cause that’s all I can handle. Or I all need to remember. If I try to remember too much at once, it starts to all fall out of my head, and I don’t remember any of it, so maybe God knows me well enough to help me out with that.

Musings

2006-08-13T19:44:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wanted to take a personal day from your life? Is that possible?

So help him, already!

2006-08-08T13:43:00.000-07:00

Seriously, send the man some money. Lots of money, if you can spare it.

All the Women who truly feel me, throw your hands up at me

2006-08-07T16:47:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have a conversation with a friend you don’t talk with much or read something on their blog or hear them say something and think, “This is not the person that I know.” I had that experience today, and it was very odd. Disconcerting, almost. I suppose everyone changes, and that is an inevitable and sometimes positive fact of life. But it still feels uncomfortable when it is staring you in the face. Come to think of it, almost everything feels uncomfortable when it is staring you in the face. I really don’t like staring. It makes me wonder about what must be hanging out of my nose.

Speaking of friends, I counted myself very lucky yesterday to have the new guy friends that I have made in the past few months. These guy friends are different from most other guy friends I have had in the past, because, 1) they are not dating one of my friends, 2) I’m closer to them than any of the girls in the group, and 3) the question of dating or attraction between me and any of them doesn’t come up. . .nor do I expect it to. And I appreciate that they did me a huge favor on Sunday.

Let me preface this by saying that I had just had a horrible week in Singledom. One of the worst in a long time. One that made marriage and/or the L-word look like wonderful options because they would solve a lot of problems and eliminate a lot of conversations I had to have in the past week.

Anyway, after church on Sunday morning, we were all standing around in a big group talking, and I asked one of the girls a question. She answered it and we moved on. Then, a few minutes later, one of my guy friends—who had been there for the whole conversation—asked her the EXACT SAME QUESTION. I accused him of selective listening and we all laughed at him mercilessly.

Then, I pulled one of the other guys aside and asked him a big favor that will make my life in Singledom much easier in the future (long story). A few minutes later, I ended up following him and Guy #1 out of the church building, and he turned and said, “Hey I was just telling (insert Guy #1’s name here) about that favor you asked me.

“Oh, he knows about it,” I said. “I told him Friday night when I called to ask him about something else.”

“You did?”, Guy #1 said.

At that point, after selective listening instance #2 within 10 minutes, I said, “YES! Man, why do I need to be dating anybody when I have YOU GUYS to not listen to me?!” We all had a good laugh, and I felt much better about being single.

Thanks, guys. I needed that.

From the 5/15/06 article of TIME Magazine

2006-07-22T13:43:00.000-07:00

I debated whether or not I should post this article here because it is copyrighted and because I believe that Mr. Sullivan and TIME Magazine deserve to be paid for the things they create.

However, I realized that most readers would not pay the $2.50 TIME requires to read this essay, which justified for me my plan to post it in its entirety. If you would've paid the $2.50 to read it, then please visit TIME and pay it. If not. . .well, enjoy.

Essay
My Problem with Christianism
A believer spells out the difference between faith and a political agenda
By ANDREW SULLIVAN
May 15, 2006

Are you a Christian who doesn't feel represented by the religious right? I know the feeling. When the discourse about faith is dominated by political fundamentalists and social conservatives, many others begin to feel as if their religion has been taken away from them.

The number of Christians misrepresented by the Christian right is many. There are evangelical Protestants who believe strongly that Christianity should not get too close to the corrupting allure of government power. There are lay Catholics who, while personally devout, are socially liberal on issues like contraception, gay rights, women's equality and a multi-faith society. There are very orthodox believers who nonetheless respect the freedom and conscience of others as part of their core understanding of what being a Christian is. They have no problem living next to an atheist or a gay couple or a single mother or people whose views on the meaning of life are utterly alien to them--and respecting their neighbors' choices. That doesn't threaten their faith. Sometimes the contrast helps them understand their own faith better.

And there are those who simply believe that, by definition, God is unknowable to our limited, fallible human minds and souls. If God is ultimately unknowable, then how can we be so certain of what God's real position is on, say, the fate of Terri Schiavo? Or the morality of contraception? Or the role of women? Or the love of a gay couple? Also, faith for many of us is interwoven with doubt, a doubt that can strengthen faith and give it perspective and shadow. That doubt means having great humility in the face of God and an enormous reluctance to impose one's beliefs, through civil law, on anyone else.

I would say a clear majority of Christians in the U.S. fall into one or many of those camps. Yet the term "people of faith" has been co-opted almost entirely in our discourse by those who see Christianity as compatible with only one political party, the Republicans, and believe that their religious doctrines should determine public policy for everyone. "Sides are being chosen," Tom DeLay recently told his supporters, "and the future of man hangs in the balance! The enemies of virtue may be on the march, but they have not won, and if we put our trust in Christ, they never will." So Christ is a conservative Republican?

Rush Limbaugh recently called the Democrats the "party of death" because of many Democrats' view that some moral decisions, like the choice to have a first-trimester abortion, should be left to the individual, not the cops. Ann Coulter, with her usual subtlety, simply calls her political opponents "godless," the title of her new book. And the largely nonreligious media have taken the bait. The "Christian" vote has become shorthand in journalism for the Republican base.

What to do about it? The worst response, I think, would be to construct something called the religious left. Many of us who are Christians and not supportive of the religious right are not on the left either. In fact, we are opposed to any politicization of the Gospels by any party, Democratic or Republican, by partisan black churches or partisan white ones. "My kingdom is not of this world," Jesus insisted. What part of that do we not understand?

So let me suggest that we take back the word Christian while giving the religious right a new adjective: Christianist. Christianity, in this view, is simply a faith. Christianism is an ideology, politics, an ism. The distinction between Christian and Christianist echoes the distinction we make between Muslim and Islamist. Muslims are those who follow Islam. Islamists are those who want to wield Islam as a political force and conflate state and mosque. Not all Islamists are violent. Only a tiny few are terrorists. And I should underline that the term Christianist is in no way designed to label people on the religious right as favoring any violence at all. I mean merely by the term Christianist the view that religious faith is so important that it must also have a precise political agenda. It is the belief that religion dictates politics and that politics should dictate the laws for everyone, Christian and non-Christian alike.

That's what I dissent from, and I dissent from it as a Christian. I dissent from the political pollution of sincere, personal faith. I dissent most strongly from the attempt to argue that one party represents God and that the other doesn't. I dissent from having my faith co-opted and wielded by people whose politics I do not share and whose intolerance I abhor. The word Christian belongs to no political party. It's time the quiet majority of believers took it back.

Visit Andrew Sullivan's blog, The Daily Dish, at http://time.blogs.com/daily_dish/

Fine, douchebag, here it is

2006-07-17T15:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I got a text message from a dear friend that said, and I quote, “Update your blog, crapbag. I am bored of the old one.”

I have been thinking over lots of things lately: community, generosity, joy & wonder, spiritual gifts, relationships, etc.

And I’ve pretty much just ended up with questions and no answers.

I have, though, become convicted of the fact that I need to be living in community, not just worshipping in it or going to lunch with it, but eating, sleeping, showering, praying, thinking and talking in it. (Wait, that sounds a little shady. I’d sleep and shower by myself, but would know that someone else was going to need hot water, too, or able to get up later than me or whatever.)

Sure, living in community is somewhat annoying, but only because it reminds me that everything is not about me—that life is not the Me Show. And I find that highly irritating, but it’s a reminder that I need.

I just finished Blue Like Jazz (which I thoroughly enjoyed, even though it was not quite up to par with Traveling Mercies), and the author says that “Jesus does not want us floating through space or sitting in front of our televisions. Jesus wants us interacting, eating together, laughing together, praying together. Loneliness is something that came with the fall.”

He also says some other things about living in community and how important it has been in his life, and those comments helped me to realize that the Me Show is too much a part of my life, and I need to freakin’ get over myself. And into some real community.

I have sort of a community in the singles group at church, but I think we’re still in the Fake stage of community. (For those of you who haven’t done Mission Year, the four stages of community, as sold to us, are Fake, Fight, Fart, Family.) We might be moving into Fight, but I’m not sure.

Building community takes time and effort and more time, and I know that. But one of the biggest problems with this community is that I’m not sure that they understand me. And that could make community-building really difficult. I mean, I like them and we have fun together, but I’m sad that they don’t understand the things I do about Jesus and poverty and social justice. I’m tired of coming home from church with a proverbial bloody tongue.

Last week we went to lunch together after church (what I consider Communion), and we all sat around and had an hour-and-a-half conversation about dating and expectations and stuff. And it was good. And it was interesting. And there were some things in there that I didn’t completely agree with, but that’s normal, after all. Probably as a result of my Femi-Nazi ways. But when I tried to tell them about how I’m going to rescind the name “Christian” and start using something else to describe myself, they all looked at me as if I had just told them I had a communicable disease. Or three nipples. Or that my three-nipple syndrome was catching.

So I explained to them that the word Christian had been used to describe so many bad people who had done so many bad things throughout history. Remember the crusades? What about George Bush? Or the fact that Focus on the Family has nothing better to do than castigate Spongebob Squarepants for “being gay”? Or those people who protest at the funerals of gay men and women? I mean, who wants to be associated with that? Not me.

This was an idea presented to us in Mission Year, but it is really starting to make sense to me now. I mean, I got it then, but I’m really considering at this point. And yet even after I explained it to my friends, they continued looking at me like I had just suggested that they join the Democratic party.

I get that I have been labeled the Flaming Liberal of the group. And for good reason. But I am getting very lonely having to uphold the title all by myself. Right now, all I really want is someone to understand what I’m saying. To listen and consider. . .and maybe even agree every once in a while.

And while I have at least one other Flaming Liberal friend in the area (I don’t want to blow her cover, but she knows who she is), it’s just not the same. Shouldn’t these people who are working to build community so we can grow together at least register some sort of recognition when I put forth an idea that makes complete and total sense to me, especially when it deals with “Christianity” or spirituality?

And shouldn’t they help me use the gifts I’ve been given? I have been vocal, too, about the fact that I have some teaching gifts, but unfortunately, those are not seen as gifts that are appropriate for women to use, at least not by many at our church, including many in my group of friends.

And yet I can’t blame them for believing what they do, can I? The fact remains that I got involved in their group at their church because they were welcoming and loving and compassionate. And they were the first group that was genuinely interested in me. And that meant something. It still does. I needed them then, and I need them now. I just need someone to understand me, too.

(I need to bear in mind, as well, that I can’t expect them to read my mind, especially not at this point. If I have some reasonable expectations, then I am responsible for communicating those if I expect them to get met.)

And I think about my Mission Year roommates, and how I pushed them as far away as possible after the year ended because of some hurts I endured, whether they were real or imagined. And I was tired. But now I wonder if I should’ve tried harder, tired or not, because now I need someone to understand what I mean about Christian being a dirty word. And how I’m struggling to live my faith in an authentic way that lands somewhere between MY and my former life.

Don Miller, the author of Blue Like Jazz, also says the following, and when I read it, it was like a light bulb went on in my head: “In the churches I used to go to, I felt like I didn’t fit in. I always felt like the adopted kid, as if there was ‘room at the table for me.’ Do you know what I mean? I was accepted but not understood. There was room at the table for me, but I wasn’t in the family.”

I don’t figure that one community will meet all my needs or even my expectations, but then that means that I need to find one that will meet my other needs that aren’t getting met at this point. So any liberal Jesus-followers in my neck of the woods wanna form community with me? It’ll be an interesting ride, to say the least--right now I'm dragging my church friends on a journey to (re)discover joy and wonder. But that's another post.

Good art Gone bad

2006-07-02T20:42:00.000-07:00

When I lived in and traveled in Europe for a semester in college (thanks again, parents!) I visited lots of art museums and famous places, and was often disappointed that I couldn’t get closer or see better the great works of art and famous relics that exist to be enjoyed. I could see them, but they were often roped off or set behind bullet-proof glass or protected by mean yet sleepy-looking security guards. I couldn’t even get a good picture of Michelangelo’s Pieta – a marble statue of Mary the mother of Jesus holding the crucified Christ, which sits on display at St. Peter’s Basilica in the Vatican – because of the huge walls of glass encasing it.

Apparently, some years ago, a crazy nationalist took a hammer to this priceless work of art, and while the Vatican artists were able to restore the statue to a state very near its original condition, it now sits in an inaccessible place, one that makes it difficult for the viewer to become immersed in the art.

What is it about people that makes us so destructive to the things we love most?

Have you noticed this trend? We love land, so we overdevelop and therefore destroy it. We love our children, so we spoil them into little brats who can’t handle it when they don’t get what they want. We’re the most horrible to the people closest to us because we can get away with it, and if we tried that crap at the office or in public we’d get fired or shot.

B says that we all have a gene that makes us want to complicate our lives. Sometimes I think she’s right.

Do you agree? What is it?

I love it!

2006-06-22T13:19:00.000-07:00

Hey, does anybody in blog land remember that mission trip where Jackie and I had a pooping contest with Andy and Billy? We lost very badly. Long story.

Stupid Nine O'clock Hair

2006-06-20T19:23:00.000-07:00

My family came to visit this past weekend, and we had a good time. And they helped me realize something: I like where I am right now. I like being young and single. I can do what I want when I want, and I don’t have to ask permission or worry about how someone else will feel about my choices. I can travel on the weekends or stay in bed all day–it’s completely up to me. I don't have to worry about consulting someone on which job to take or how late to work or where to live. And I like to have choices. (I think that’s one of the reasons that I dislike commitment so much.)

I mean, I had cheese and crackers for dinner tonight. Last night I had cheddar scrambled eggs and a huge bowl of Blue Bell ice cream. What can I say? It just sounded good. . .and I don’t have to worry about what anybody else wants. It’s a beautiful thing.

The only time I dislike being single, though, is around nine p.m. on weeknights. It’s about this time that I know I’m not going out again, and yet I look good. Most of the heavy makeup and lipstick of the day has worn off, I’m in my pajama pants and tank top, and my hair looks really good. What can I say? I have nine o’clock hair. And I admit, I wish there was a boy to appreciate it. Roommates just don't appreciate nine o’clock hair like they should. (Although I am glad that there’s not a boy around to see me embarrassing myself doing Yoga Booty Ballet.)

2006-06-12T19:47:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people think I blaspheme when I tell them how I really feel about the stuff that Jesus asks us to do. Love my enemies? Go and sell all that I own? It's at this point that I want to say, "Giiirl! You doin' too much!"

This Ain't Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood

2006-06-03T13:17:00.000-07:00

" 'These children are in crisis,' she continued. ‘Most of them never had a chance, never got the guidance and attention they needed from adults. Is it any surprise they join gangs? The gang makes them feel part of something, it provides structure, and it gives them opportunities to prove themselves. How can we compete with the gangs if we can’t offer them something better?’ " ~True Notebooks, Mark Salzman

I’m joining the apartment ministry at church, and this coming Wed. we’re going to begin hanging out at a local apartment complex, playing with kids and stuff for the summer.

I really don’t want to do this, I have to admit. I really don’t feel like this whole "inner city work" is for me, which probably sounds weird to some of you, since I have spent at least some of the past three years doing some sort of service in that arena.

I guess I just don’t feel like it’s my spiritual gift. I’ve always been told that one way to tell you’re using your gifts is if you enjoy what you’re doing, but I don’t really enjoy it. I think the work is important, though, and am pretty sure that if I wasn’t doing it, no one else would. And I have experience, after all.

I don’t want to miss our singles’ class, either, which has recently started on Wed. nights as well. We’re talking about relationships (interpersonal and with God), and it’s pretty interesting stuff, and now I’m going to miss all the juicy stuff I’d be learning if I was there. And I always hate to think that I might be missing something.

Y’know, sometimes I’m afraid that one of my spiritual gifts is that I’m willing to do the crap that no one else is, or at least stick with the crappy jobs once I’ve taken them. I felt that way often during MY, while I was wasting away in the inner city (but learning lots of things!).

So apartment ministry, here I come. . .

A short note. . .

2006-05-24T15:38:00.000-07:00

. . .to all the guys who work in my building or live in my apartment complex or go to church with me:

if I want you to ask me out, I will let you know. I am aware that this is very odd, but trust me, if I am interested in you, I will make it very clear. Just ask my ex or various other guys I have pursued shamelessly and without great success. You will have no doubt that I want to go out with you.

And if I don't let you know that I want to date you, then please, don't ask me out or let me know that you "have a crush on me" or anything of the sort. I will interpret all invitations to lunch/dinner/drinks/church as a come-on unless I know you well enough to know that you mean it in a "just friends" way. And when I don't want to go out with you (and trust me, most of the time I don't), it's just uncomfortable and awkward for all of us. This is especially true if I can SEE YOU waiting in your car until I get out of mine or hanging around the parking lot around the time I leave work. If this happens and I give you some lame excuse as to why I can't go to lunch with you, then know that I have the nagging suspicion that you are stalking me. Seriously.

So guys, from now on, how 'bout a moratorium on asking me out. . .unless I tell you to, okay? Great, thanks.

Who ever thought they'd read this in the New York Times?

2006-05-19T06:36:00.000-07:00

Saving Grace
By LAUREN F. WINNER
Published: May 19, 2006
New York Times
Durham, N.C.

THE recent Harvard study that found teenagers' virginity pledges to be ineffective should come as a surprise to no one. Several studies had already come to that conclusion. If we are truly to help our teenagers adopt the countercultural sexual ethic of abstinence until marriage, Christians concerned about the rampant premarital sex in our communities need to rethink, rather than simply defend, young people's abstinence pledges.

It is awfully easy for Christians to blame our community's sexual sins on the mores of post-sexual revolution America — to criticize Abercrombie & Fitch catalogs, to natter on about how "Grey's Anatomy" portrays sexual behavior that doesn't square with Christianity.

But perhaps it's more important that we reconsider how we talk about sex in the church. For although the church devotes an immense amount of energy to teaching about sexuality — just go to the Christian inspiration section of your nearest Barnes & Noble and compare the number of books about chastity to books that challenge, say, consumerism — many Christians still "struggle with" (in that euphemistic evangelical phrase) premarital sex, adultery and pornography.

So why is the church's approach to teaching chastity falling short? Consider the popular "True Love Waits" virginity pledge: "Believing that true love waits, I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, my friends, my future mate and my future children to a lifetime of purity including sexual abstinence from this day until the day I enter a biblical marriage relationship."

This pledge and others like it are well meaning but deeply flawed. For starters, there's something disturbing about the assumption that teenagers are passively waiting for their future mates and children, when the New Testament is quite clear that some Christians are called to lifelong celibacy. (Paul, for example, did not have a mate or children, and Dan Brown's fantasies notwithstanding, Jesus's only bride was the church.) Chastity is not merely about passive waiting; it is about actively conforming our bodies to the arc of the Gospel and receiving the Holy Spirit right now.

Pledgers promise to control intense bodily desires simply by exercising their wills. But Christian ethics recognizes that the broken, twisted will can do nothing without rehabilitation by God's grace. Perhaps the centrality of grace is recognized best not in a pledge but in a prayer that names chastity as a gift and beseeches God for the grace to receive it.

The pledges are also cast in highly individualistic terms: I promise that I won't do this or that. As the Methodist bishop William Willimon once wrote: "Decisions are fine. But decisions that are not reinforced and reformed by the community tend to be short-lived."

During our first year of marriage, my husband and I lived in a small apartment inside a church. On Tuesdays, Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon met downstairs. As I got to know some of the regulars, I began to wonder if there wasn't something the church could learn from the 12-step groups in our midst.

After all, what are 12-step groups but communities of people expecting transformation? People show up because they want to change, and they know that making a promise by themselves — I will stop drinking — won't cut it. Alcoholics Anonymous explicitly recognizes that transformation works best when a community comes alongside you and participates in your transformation.
Christians, like 12-step group attendees, are people who are committed to becoming, to use the Apostle Paul's phrase, new creatures. Living sexual lives that comport with the Gospel is one part of that.

Perhaps pledges for chastity need to be made not only by the individual teenager. Perhaps we also need pledges made by the teenager's whole Christian community: we pledge to support you in this difficult, countercultural choice; we pledge that the church is a place where you can lay bare your brokenness and sin, where you don't have to dissemble; we pledge to cheer you on when chastity seems unbearably difficult, and we pledge to speak God's forgiveness to you if you falter. No retooled pledge will guarantee teenagers' chastity, but words of grace and communal commitment are perhaps a firmer basis for sexual ethics than simple assertions that true love waits.

Lauren F. Winner is the author of "Girl Meets God" and "Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity."

It must be true

2006-05-16T15:46:00.000-07:00

This is so cool!

2006-05-15T08:28:00.000-07:00

You might not find this interesting, but here you can see a pair of baby bald eaglets in real time. They don't do a whole lot yet, but I just got to see them fed by one of their parents, and it was absolutely awesome!

(Oh, and if you don't care, you have full permission not to visit the site. The more visitors to the site, the slower it runs for the rest of us!)

I want to marry this man.

2006-05-12T16:34:00.000-07:00

I stole this off Kyle's away message. Stick with it, it gets better as it goes along. (Seriously, though, a man who can dance=tres sexy.)

Dear Chris Field,

2006-05-11T14:04:00.000-07:00

I was going to jot you a short little note in the Comments section, but it turned into a HUGE note, so here it is:

Thanks. There are a lot of "justice issues" that I hope Christians will get more serious about.

I can't speak for anybody else, but I didn't feel attacked, and my toes are just fine. Forgive me if I did come off as somewhat combative--I like to argue.

And I agree with Connor, thanks for talking about the stuff no one wants to talk about. I'm just afraid it was sort of one-sided and that it aimed to attack a symptom, not a problem.

Christian women who dress immodestly do so because it gets them something they want: power, self-esteem, attention, affirmation, dates, etc. And why does this work? Because as Scoots, DLove and others mentioned, the way men and women in the church interact is all jacked up, and that’s the problem. (Or at least one of the problems in the church. Not enough room to address them all here, but I digress.) Women’s dress is just one of the many symptoms of this problem.

I mean, let’s face it, I’ve never heard an older Christian man say to a younger one, “You should keep her around; she’s got a great set of morals.” I have heard plenty of, “She’s a good-looking girl,” or “She’s sweet.” The one I always heard growing up was, “What a pretty girl!” God love ‘em, the elders at the church where I grew up (the good ones who are dead now) used to tell me how pretty I was, even when I was at my most awkward and least pretty. I love those men dearly and what they said to me was good and I needed to hear it, but it never occurred to them to compliment me on my spiritual gifts or my talents or the good things I did. It didn’t occur to me then that they should be encouraging me in those things, especially because the church I grew up in is still not really big on women using their gifts where other people can see them.

And now that I think about the church where I grew up, I remember my Dad preaching a sermon on the fact that women (especially the teens) should dress modestly in church because it was brought to his attention that some of the men were struggling because of some immodest dress. (I was a teen at this time, but I can tell you that the sermon was not directed toward me. I have only recently learned that I might be able to wear spaghetti straps in public and not go to hell.) Anyway, the whole time he was preaching I was thinking about this older man, probably in his thirties, who needed to hear the OTHER side of the sermon: that he needed to control his thoughts even when he saw women who were covered. This man creeped me out and always made a special effort to talk to me, and when he did, I got the feeling that he was imagining me naked. Ewww. He weirded some of my friends out, too, but I don’t think we ever told our parents or any other adult. I probably should’ve said something, but if he had tried anything, it would’ve given me an excuse to knee him in the balls, which I’m pretty sure he deserved. He and his wife moved away after a while, so it wasn’t a problem anymore, anyway.

I also just learned through experience that the Singles Groups at many larger churches are like meat markets. Very few of the singles in the local groups I visited would talk to me, and I couldn’t understand why. Now I think it’s because I am an attractive and intelligent woman, and the women saw me as competition and the men either didn’t notice me or found me intimidating. It was, for me, more like trying to meet people in a bar than in a church. Or trying to make friends on the set of The Bachelor. And that made me sad.

I also got the feeling that the singles at a lot of churches were either pitied or thought of as existing in a sort of purgatory. It’s pretty easy to argue that the church places more emphasis than it should on getting people married and that singles, especially older ones, are sometimes viewed as second-class citizens. And why is this? Didn’t Paul say that being single was better? I think too many of us are convinced—because of our culture and what we witness in churches and not because of anything biblical—that we can’t be happy unless we’re paired off, that one is not a whole number. Are we uncomfortable around older singles because we’re afraid there’s “something wrong” with them?

Or are we afraid that they’re homosexuals? I think the way we treat homosexuals is also a symptom of this problem. If homosexuality is a sin, then why do we treat it as so much worse than any other sin? Why do we invite in the greedy jerkwads who mistreat their wives and tell the homosexuals that they have to change before we’ll accept them? Is it because we’re afraid to admit that if they’re attracted to people of the same sex, then perhaps we could be, too? Are we afraid that they’ll contaminate us in some way or “lead our children astray?”

Why do so many Christians blame the breakdown of the American family on the prevalence of homosexuality in our society? It seems pretty obvious to me that most of the time, the American family is broken down because the American parents get divorced. Why are the divorce rates of Christians the same as the rest of the country? Could this be another symptom of the problem?

I would even argue that in many churches, women aren’t allowed to use their gifts in public because some men have a desire for them to fit certain roles and not because of any shared hermeneutic perspective. It seems to me that their “biblical beliefs” may spring more out of their tradition and expectations than any actual study. I think this is another symptom of the problem.

So thanks, Chris, for starting the discussion. Let’s keep it going.

I don't know about preachers and sermons and bible class,

2006-05-08T19:12:00.000-07:00

but this speaks to me. . .

"You don't want to die when you're this upset--you get a bad room in heaven with the other hysterics, the right-to-lifers, and the exercise compulsives. But thinking of heaven made me remember something: that I believe in God. And I smote my own forehead."

"Over the years, my body has not gotten firmer. Just the opposite, in fact. But when I feel fattest and flabbiest and most repulsive, I try to remember that gravity speaks; also, that no one needs that plastic-body perfection from women of age and substance. Also, that I do not live in my thighs or in my droopy butt. I live in joy and motion and cover-ups. I live in the nourishment of food and the sun and the warmth of the people who love me."

"I was desperate to fix him, fix the situation, make everything happy again, and then I remembered this basic religious principle that God isn't there to take away our suffering or our pain but to fill it with his or her presence, so I prayed for the health simply to enter into Sam's disappointment and keep him company."

"And then the music began.
"Mandolin music. A folksy bluegrass trio began playing, the mandolin offering the quavering meoldy, then two guitars joined in, and then three voices singing. We turned slowly to look at the musicians. A woman got up from her table and began to dance on the lawn between us and the stage, all by herself, and I thought to myself, I wish I were the kind of person who could dance in public, not caring what everyone thought. And I wanted to be this way so badly that after a minute I just got up, moved closer to the music, toward the one woman dancing, and slowly and very shyly and without enormous visible grace, began to move in time to the music. I figured that once I stepped forward into that spotlight, another would appear somewhere near my feet, and if it didn't, at least I'd have had the chance to dance.
"So I did, dancing with my eyes closed so as not to be distracted. Nietzsche said that he could only believe in a God who would dance, and I feel the same way: not Jesus as John Travolta, but Jesus as Judith Jamison, the great black dancer with Alvin Ailey, a shining, long-limbed, elegant crane."

~Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies

Is there no place safe to shop?

2006-05-05T17:19:00.000-07:00

So I quit shopping at Gap (even though I only shopped the sale racks, anyway) because they use sweat shop labor (see FAQ page). By proxy I had to quit shopping at Old Navy, too, because they're owned by Gap Inc. That was a great deal more painful.

I try not to shop at Wal-mart, mostly because of how they treat their workers and the fact that they are China's biggest exporter. I haven't bought clothes there since my Freshman year of college, I guess, but here's another great reason not to start up again.

It seems that there is no place safe from sweat shop labor! Grrrr.

An Ugly Side of Free Trade: Sweatshops in Jordan
By STEVEN GREENHOUSE and MICHAEL BARBARO
Published: May 3, 2006, The New York Times

Propelled by a free trade agreement with the United States, apparel manufacturing is booming in Jordan, its exports to America soaring twentyfold in the last five years.

But some foreign workers in Jordanian factories that produce garments for Target, Wal-Mart and other American retailers are complaining of dismal conditions — of 20-hour days, of not being paid for months and of being hit by supervisors and jailed when they complain.

An advocacy group for workers contends that some apparel makers in Jordan, and some contractors that supply foreign workers to them, have engaged in human trafficking. Workers from Bangladesh said they paid $1,000 to $3,000 to work in Jordan, but when they arrived, their passports were confiscated, restricting their ability to leave and tying them to jobs that often pay far less than promised and far less than the country's minimum wage.

"We used to start at 8 in the morning, and we'd work until midnight, 1 or 2 a.m., seven days a week," said Nargis Akhter, a 25-year-old Bangladeshi who, in a phone interview from Bangladesh, said she worked last year for the Paramount Garment factory outside Amman.

"When we were in Bangladesh they promised us we would receive $120 a month, but in the five months I was there I only got one month's salary — and that was just $50."

The advocacy group, the National Labor Committee, which is based in New York, found substandard conditions in more than 25 of Jordan's roughly 100 garment factories and is set to release a report on its findings today. Its findings were supported in interviews with current and former workers.

Such complaints have dogged the global apparel industry for years, even as it has adopted measures intended to improve working conditions in factories that produce clothing for American and European consumers. But the abusive conditions that the guest workers described show how hard it is to control sweatshops as factories spring up in new places, often without effective monitoring in place.

In recent years, Jordan has become a magnet for apparel manufacturers, helped by the privileged trade position that the United States has given it, first because of its 1994 peace accord with Israel and then because of a free trade agreement signed with Washington in 2001.
Jordan's apparel industry, which exported $1.2 billion to the United States last year, employs tens of thousands of guest workers, mainly from Bangladesh and China.

In interviews this week, five Bangladeshis who used to work in Jordanian apparel factories and four who still do had similar tales of paying more than $1,000 to work in Jordan, of working 90 to 120 hours a week, of not being paid the overtime guaranteed by Jordanian law, of sleeping 10 or 20 to a small dorm room. The National Labor Committee helped arrange interviews with the Bangladeshi workers, who spoke through interpreters.

The largest retailer in the United States, Wal-Mart, and one of the largest clothing makers, Jones Apparel, confirmed yesterday that they had discovered serious problems with the conditions at several major Jordanian factories.

In addition, a factory monitor for a major American company confirmed that Jordanian factories routinely confiscated their guest workers' passports, doctored wage and hour records and coached employees to lie to government and company inspectors about working conditions. The monitor asked not to be identified because the company had not given authorization to speak publicly.

Beth Keck, a spokeswoman for Wal-Mart, said the company did not own or manage factories, but tried to improve working conditions in Jordan and elsewhere. "It is a continuous challenge, not just for Wal-Mart but for any company," she said, noting that the most commonly observed problems included failure to pay proper wages, "egregious hours," and "use of false or insufficient books or documentation."

Charles Kernaghan, executive director of the National Labor Committee, which has exposed mistreatment in factories in Central America and China, said he was shocked by what he discovered in Jordan.

"These are the worst conditions I've ever seen," he said. "You have people working 48 hours straight. You have workers who were stripped of their passports, who don't have ID cards that allow them to go out on the street. If they're stopped, they can be imprisoned or deported, so they're trapped, often held under conditions of involuntary servitude."

Mr. Kernaghan said Bangladeshi workers had contacted his organization to complain about working conditions in Jordan. He then traveled to Jordan and met quietly with dozens of workers. He said American companies, despite their monitoring efforts, were often slow to uncover workplace abuses because workers were coached to lie to them or were scared to speak out. Moreover, factories often send work out to substandard subcontractors without notifying American retailers.

Several factory owners in Jordan insisted that they treated their workers properly.
"Some people are always making allegations," said Karim Saifi, the owner of United Garment Manufacturing, a factory near Amman that workers criticized for long hours and wage violations. "As far as we know, we follow all the labor laws here. If we were not abiding by all of the local Jordan laws, we would not be able to operate."

Several foreign apparel workers said that while their factories required them to stay until midnight, the Jordanian workers were usually allowed to leave at 4 p.m.

Two large industrial zones outside Amman are thriving, having geared themselves to the American apparel market. They have attracted dozens of garment manufacturers, some with 200 workers, some with 2,000, that say they produce clothes for J. C. Penney, Sears, Wal-Mart, Gap and Target.

"It would be wrong to think that problems at a few places are representative of the 102 apparel factories in my country," said Yanal Beasha, Jordan's trade representative in Washington.
Jordan's ambassador to the United States, Karim Kawar, said "If there are any violations of our labor laws, we certainly take it seriously."

Mr. Beasha said Jordanian government inspectors monitor the working conditions in factories. But several guest workers said factory managers hid abuses by coaching workers to lie. Mr. Beasha said the Jordanian government cared about the welfare of foreign guest workers, noting that it enforced overtime laws and recently increased the minimum wage for citizens and guest workers.

But Mohammed Z., who has worked for more than a year at the Paramount Garment Factory, said that even though he worked more than 100 hours a week — normally from 7 to midnight seven days a week — the company refused to pay him overtime when he did not meet production targets. He asked that his last name be withheld for fear of retribution.

Having paid $2,000 to work in Jordan, he said, in an interview from Amman, "I'm not earning enough to repay my loan or to support my wife and son."

Unhappy that his passport has been confiscated, he said: "My identity has been taken by the company. I have no freedom because I have no freedom to move to other places."

Mohammed Saiful Islam, 30, a Bangladeshi who was production manager at Western Garment, said that several times the workers had to work until 4 a.m., then sleep on the factory's floor for a few hours, before resuming work at 8 a.m.

"The workers got so exhausted they became sick," he said. "They could hardly stay awake at their machines."

Mr. Saiful, who is in the United States to highlight poor working conditions in Jordan, pointed to a yellow and black fleece sweatshirt that he said his factory made. It had an Athletic Works label made for Wal-Mart, selling for $9.48.

"Sometimes when companies sent in monitors, the workers were instructed what to say," Mr. Saiful said.

Mohamed Irfan, who in a telephone interview from Jordan said he was Western's owner, said, "The workers get the minimum wage, and all times, there is no problem in our factory."

Mohamed Kasim, Paramount's owner, said his factory also paid its workers properly. Mr. Kasim and other factory managers said workers received free room and board and sometimes medical care.

But several workers said that when they were sick they did not receive medical care, but were instead punished and had their pay docked.

Several Bangladeshis said there were terrible conditions at factories that made clothes for Wal-Mart and Jones Apparel, which owns brands like Gloria Vanderbilt and Jones New York.

Ms. Keck, the Wal-Mart spokeswoman, said company inspectors recently identified "serious violations" of its labor rules at three Jordanian factories. At Honorway Apparel Jordan, for example, which manufactures sleepwear for Wal-Mart, inspectors found employees working off the clock, managers who refused to pay overtime and wages that "could not be verified," Ms. Keck said. At the Ivory Garment Factory, which Wal-Mart ceased working with two years ago, inspectors found "egregious working hours."

Joele Frank, a spokeswoman for Jones Apparel, said the company had also found "serious problems" at the Ivory Garment Factory, which produces Gloria Vanderbilt clothing, and said it would "monitor the situation closely." A spokesman for Sears Holding, said the company was investigating potential problems at Honorway, which produces clothes for Kmart, a division of Sears Holding.

A Kohl's spokeswoman denied workers' accusations that clothing sold by the company was made at several Jordanian factories with poor conditions. Target said it worked with only one factory that has come under criticism— Al Safa Garments, which Wal-Mart recently cited for labor violations.

Many retailers said their policy was, after discovering violations, to work with a factory to improve conditions, rather than automatically withdraw their business. Wal-Mart says it gives factories a year to fix serious problems, reinspecting them every 120 days.

"Our business with the factory is the only leverage we have to push for improvement," Ms. Keck said.

After The New York Times asked about the accusations on Monday, Wal-Mart dispatched two inspectors to Jordan.

Hazrat Ali, 25, who worked from September 2004 to March 2005 at the Al Shahaed factory, said he sometimes worked 48 hours in a row and received no pay for the six months.

"If we asked for money, they hit us," he said.

Nasima Akhter, 30, said that the Western factory gave its workers a half-glass of tea for breakfast and often rice and some rotten chicken for lunch.

"In the four months I was in Jordan, they didn't pay us a single penny," she said. "When we asked management for our money and for better food, they were very angry at us. We were put in some sort of jail for four days without anything to eat. And then they forced us to go back to Bangladesh."

RelatedReport on Jordanian Clothing Factories (.pdf)National Labor Committee

The One True Church

2006-04-30T16:05:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in church today, pondering a question a guy from the singles group asked me last weekend after I had mentioned my, ahem, "liberal" views.

"So why are you still in the Church of Christ?" he asked.
"Good question," I said.

So why am I still in the Church of Christ? It's not something I set out to do, it just sort of. . .happened. I decided that I'd start visiting Churches of Christ in the area, and if I didn't find one I liked, I'd move on to Episcopal (because they ordain women) and community churches.

Here's what I told the guy:
"Well, I guess it comes down to music, really. I was raised non-instrumental, and it's what I prefer. And besides, if I went somewhere else, then who would get my Church of Christ jokes?"

The truth is that I found a church where the singles group seemed to want to get to know me, and cared if I came back or not. It is also the most multicultural church I have visited in the area and committed to sticking around in order to engage the increasingly urban area around it, and those things are important to me. There is a lot of work to do there and a chance for me to use some of my gifts (even if I have to keep that "teaching" one under wraps).

It's odd to me that I ended up at a pretty conservative church. No one in class asks me to lead the prayer or start a song, and I don't want to damage anybody's faith by volunteering to do that (at least not yet). I don't stay for the preaching, and the worship is, well, pretty white, even if all of the congregation isn't. For example, in worship this morning we sang that song Restore, (Restore my spirit, Lord, I need restore, my cup is empty, refill it dear Lord, replace all doubts and fears with faith so bold, renew my love, rebuild my faith, oh restore my soul) and I started laughing quietly because it was just so white. I love these people, but they don't have much soul. We're working up to that.

I'm the token liberal in our singles class, and it's pretty hard on me already. I'm depending on my non-conservative friends and family members to talk to me enough so I can go back to church every week and be the one liberal. (Thanks for inviting me over last night, Kim--that was a great dose of liberalism, and fun to boot!)

And I'm thinking that I'm pretty much killing my chances of finding a husband here in the good ol' CoC. A lot of that liberal stuff I'm willing to bargain on, but not on the breakdown of power in a marriage. I think it should be 50-50 (I'll provide the gory details if you want them), and I'm afraid that it's going to be hard to find a CoC guy who feels the same, and that's, as Dr. Phil would say, a "deal breaker" for me.

That's not the only thing that's going to make it hard for me to find a husband, though. I have recently decided that giving birth to babies is not the best decision. Let me say that I have always wanted to be pregnant because I think it would be just the coolest thing ever, but it seems pretty selfish to me to have a baby just because I want to know what it's like. I guess I should explain why I feel this way:

The world sucks, no doubt about it. It is full of wars, hate, school shootings, soaring gas prices, cancer, heartache and traffic jams. Why bring an innocent kid into that?
The world is also becoming overpopulated--there are too many people and not enough resources, and it's just going to get worse.
There are lots of babies who no one wants and who will have to grow up without people to love them, and they will more than likely just further that cycle of war and hate without any guidance. I will only have so many resources when it comes time to raise kids, and will only be able to care for so many. If I have my own, then I will have less resources to devote to kids without anyone else to love them.

So how can I justify making new babies when there are so many good reasons against it? I still want to have kids and I still REALLY want to have my own, but I'm just not sure it's the best idea. (I'm hoping to work through this so I'll feel okay about having my own babies, but I'm not seeing that happen.) How many good CoC boys are going to be okay with that? (Although for those of you who know about that one guy in the singles group who is trying to make me his "special friend," apparently that doesn't matter to everyone. I hate my love life, but glad y'all find it so amusing. I'm never being nice to anyone again!)

Plus, I'm thinking the way we do church is not really the way God intended it to go. Twice over the past week I had an opportunity to help out and encourage two people in some pretty creative ways, and although the situation one of them finds himself in left me feeling sad at the state of the world, helping them did feel good and right. I thought, "Now THAT'S what church is all about," even though neither of them are technically members of the church I attend. Perhaps more on their situations later.

So for now I'm going to keep attending my CoC and trying to love people like crazy. I've joined the apartment ministry, and will probably get to relive some of my MY days (without all the kids knocking on the door at all hours of the day and night), and I'm excited. I'll keep you posted, even you Church of Christers. (I wanted to abbreviate that one, but it CoCers sounded sort of dirty. Oh well.)

No good answers

2006-04-25T12:46:00.000-07:00

“ 'God didn’t do those things. But he wants to bring good out of them.' ”

2006-04-24T10:26:00.000-07:00

From http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

From the "Why Do They Get Paid 100 Times More Than Me?" File

2006-04-19T07:24:00.000-07:00

So yesterday and today via email, some of my friends and I started a list of our least-favorite celebrities (just for fun, I guess). Here they are, in no particular order (with some comments still attached):

The Baldwin Brothers (all of them)
Mariah Carey
Kanye West
LeeLee Sobowski (spelling?)
Sharon Stone
Renee Zelwegger
Dennis Rodman
Pamela Anderson
The lead singer from Creed
Kevin Costner
Drew Barrymore
Barbara Walters
Whitney Houston
Star Jones
Britney Spears
Christina Aguilera
Lindsey Lohan
Paris Hilton
Colin Farrel
Carrot Top
Charlie Sheen
Bruce Willis
Sean Penn
Tim Robbins
Tom Cruise (remember when he used to be hot? Now he is just oogy)
Paula Abdul
Leonardo DiCaprio
Nancy Grace (she is the CNN correspondent at night and has her own show....I know I am a nerd, but every time she is on CNN it makes my skin crawl...she tries to act like she is smart, but I have serious doubts)
Jesse Jackson (I think that one is pretty self explanatory....it is amazing how everything...and I mean EVERYTHING can be turned into a race issue)
Current President George Bush
Pat Robertson
Jerry Falwell
Rodney Dangerfield, may he rest in peace

Feel free to add yours as well!

Another one for the Quote Board

2006-04-19T06:22:00.000-07:00

"I'm the decider, and I decide what's best. And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the secretary of defense." ~PRESIDENT BUSH

Man, being the decider sounds like a hard job. Maybe ya should turn it over to someone else, Dubya.

Because names can be deceiving,

2006-04-17T19:32:00.000-07:00

there apparently was not enough wrong with our public school system and racial stereotypes needed to be propagated further.

Hi, I'm A.Lo, and I'm single

2006-04-16T19:39:00.000-07:00

I don't want anyone to think this is directed toward them because they have tried to set me up with someone or used phrases like "if you ever get a boyfriend again." ;-) This is not directed at anyone in particular; it just needed to be said.

I'm single. Not just not married, but not dating anyone, either. And I haven't been dating anyone seriously for a while. Like two years. And that was good for me.

And now I am taking time to make friends before I start trying to date anyone new (although as mentioned in previous posts, seriously dating someone new will take quite a while, since I'm on a FEMA schedule). I want to make friends right now, and I know that if I start dating someone, then it is a possibility that he will be my one and only friend, and that's not cool.

But this doesn't mean that I don't know the exact location of every single male in a one-mile radius at almost all times. I'm embarrassed to say that I do. And I do want to get married in the future, just not in the immediate future.

So I am still single. Very single. I have had some tempting offers since I moved here, but none that I could suspend my fear of commitment and stubborn high standards for.

And I'm not above admitting that being single sucks sometimes. That it gets lonely. That there's a certain "Why me" (or why not me) dialogue that goes through my head sometimes. That it would be very nice to have someone to help me make that drive out to visit my parents so I could nap in the car or rub my shoulders and calves when I get stressed. But most of the time, I believe that single is where I'm supposed to be right now.

And I have married friends and single friends, and I like them all. I have to say that generally, my single friends are more accessible, but this is not something that cannot be overcome.

So let me proudly declare that I am not yet in my mid-twenties, and I am single. And no one is going to make me feel bad about that. Or accuse me of needing to lower my standards. Or question my sexuality. Or throw me at every single guy they know.

Well, I guess they can try.

But wouldn't it be nice if they were proud of me for sticking to my guns, for knowing what I want and going after it? Wouldn't it be nice if they supported me in not settling down until I'm sure I'm not settling?

Let's just be sure that we clear up the fact that from now until some undisclosed date, I will be coming to weddings, family functions and parties by myself. Alone. Single. And this will have to be okay with all of us.

Happy Good Friday/Easter!

2006-04-13T13:33:00.000-07:00

"The best thing I've heard lately is the Christian writer Barbara Johnson's saying that we're Easter people, living in a Good Friday world.

I don't have the right personality for Good Friday, for the crucifixion; I'd like to skip ahead to the resurrection vision of one of the kids in our Sunday school, who drew a picture of the Easter bunny outside the tomb: everlasting life, and a basket full of chocolates. Now you're talking.

In Jesus' real life, the resurrection came two days later, but in our real lives, it can be weeks, years, and you never know for sure that it will come. I don't have the right personality for the human condition, either. But I believe in the resurrection, in Jesus', and in ours. The trees, so stark and gray last month, suddenly went up as if in flame, but instead in blossoms and leaves--poof! Like someone opening an umbrella. It's often hard to find similar dramatic evidence of rebirth and hope in our daily lives."

"The thing about Easter is that Jesus comes back from the dead both resurrected and broken, with the wounds from the nails still visible. People needed to see that it really did happen, the brutality, the human death. He came back with a body--not like Casper or Topper; he didn't come back as the vague idea of a spirit returning. No, it was physical, a wounded body. He had lived, he had died; and then you could touch him, and he could eat; and these four things are as bodily as life gets."

"We celebrated Good Friday that night, a week late. It's a sad day, of loss and cruelty, and all you have to go on is faith that the light shines in the darkness, and nothing, not death, not disease, not even the government, can overcome it. I hate that you can't prove the beliefs of my faith. If I were God, I'd have the answers at the end of the workbook, so you could check as you went along, to see if you're on the right track. But nooooooo. Darkness is our context, and Easter's context: without it, you couldn't see the light. Hope is not about proving anything. It's about choosing to believe this one thing, that love is bigger than any grim, bleak shit anyone can throw at us."

"Easter is so profound. Christmas was an afterthought in the early Church, the birth not observed for a few hundred years. But no one could help noticing the resurrection: "Spring is Christ," Rumi said, "martyred plants rising up from their shrouds." Easter says that love is more powerful than death; bigger than the dark, bigger than cancer, bigger than airport security lines." ~Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith

This would TOTALLY go on the quote board

2006-04-11T15:13:00.000-07:00

If my apartment had one, that is. (Man, I miss that quote board! It was good times!)

My friend Whitney, who is a junior high coach/teacher, said:
"I should probably go and pretend like I am molding the young minds of our nation for a while, when secretly I am trying to decide between pasta and subway for lunch."

But he makes me want to vomit!

2006-04-10T17:53:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes. More things I should probably be keeping to myself:

So here's what I want:

First, I have to tell you about the guy who was trying to pursue me at record speed. He was nice and nice-looking. We, surprisingly, had some similar interests. But the more I talked with him, the more I felt like there was something. . .missing, somehow. I never really looked forward to talking to him (probably partially because it was pretty awkward since we hardly knew each other) and I was just not sure there was any chemistry. I wouldn’t mind hanging out with him as a friend, but I wasn't so sure about this dating-thing.

I don’t know if this was because I was closing myself off or if I really felt that way, if there was really nothing between us. I’ve been thinking that perhaps my standards are too high; maybe I’m looking for something that doesn’t exist.

But then I talked to Karen at work. I love Karen; she’s one of my favorite coworkers. She’s spunky and funny and drop-dead gorgeous (so I have to hate her a little for that). Karen's one of two Black women who work in my office, and when someone gets her and the other Black lady confused (which happens a lot), she says, "No, that's the other Black girl," and people's eyes get really big and it makes me laugh a lot.

But she was really pulling for this guy. She liked him a lot and thought he was really nice and really wanted it to work out between us. But when I told her about how something was missing, she totally got it, which sort of surprised me. But then she told me about her late husband.

Karen’s in her early forties, but she married pretty early in life. She met her husband when she started college at the age of 18 and they married after she graduated, I think. I’m not sure how he died or when, but I get the feeling that they were married for quite a while. She said, though, that what they had was magical. Even after they had been married for years, her stomach still got a little funny when he walked into the room. And she says that’s important if you’re going to be intimate with someone.

She says that her friends are encouraging her to date, but she’s waiting for that fairy tale. And she admits that her friends sometimes accuse her of not giving guys a chance, but Karen says that she either knows or she doesn’t, and there’s no sense in wasting guys’ time or hers. She told me that it was good that I have high standards and to keep them. She thinks I should have what I want. She assured me that it does exist, you just don’t find it every day.

And as I walked back to my office, I wondered whether or not I had ever felt that way about a guy. . .all light-headed and nauseous. (I mean, I know I’ve felt that way because I was sick, but have I ever felt that way as the result of the presence of a man?)

I could think of two guys who had that effect on me, and neither of those relationships turned out well. Not only that, but they were SO LONG AGO! One of them was an experience in which I did all the pursuing (and finally gave up when I learned that if he doesn’t pursue me at the beginning then he can’t really want me as badly enough as I want to be wanted). The other was pretty traumatic and hurt me a lot. And I’ve never really felt all giggly and light-headed about a guy since, I guess. Sometimes I wonder if this is because I have grown up some or because I’m shielding myself from hurting that badly again. But even if I am, then I don’t know how to fix it. And I continued to feel nauseous about this second guy even when I saw him multiple times after he broke my heart. This got me into a lot of trouble, and I continually considered dating him again, but then one day I realized that whatever I used to feel was just. . .gone.

And I couldn't help feeling that I’m a horrible person for not being more excited about the guy who was pursuing me. But at the same time, it was painfully awkward. So I told him that we had no chemistry. (Although I don't know how he didn't get that it was awful to spend time together because we had nothing to talk about.)

But I want someone who makes me feel all tingly and slightly vomitous (I don't think that's a word, but I can totally hear Whitney using it, so I'm going to use it, too). I mean, it doesn't have to last forever, but it's important to me.

And you know, I've been accused almost all my life of having standards that are too high, but that's what I want. That's what I've been waiting for.

And I agree with Karen. I should have what I want.

A Big Tall Man on a Big White Horse

2006-04-02T17:29:00.000-07:00

"The reason I never give up hope is that everything is basically hopeless. Hopelessness underscores everything--the deep sadness and fear at the center of life, the holes in the heart of our families, the animal confusion within us. When you do give up hope, a lot can happen. When it's not pinned wriggling onto a shiny image or expectation, it may float forth and open like those fluted Japanese blossoms, flimsy and spastic, bright and warm. This almost always seems to happen in community: with family, related by blood, or chosen; at church, for me; at peace marches." ~Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith

Alright, so there's this guy I met a month or two ago who I find. . .intriguing. I met him at night church, and he's very animated and funny and outgoing and confident and tall, and he seemed really interested in what I had to say.

And he sent some signals that I interpreted to mean that he was interested in me, too. (Who knows, though--guys are pretty weird about sending and receiving signals most of the time.)

The last time I saw him, though, was mid-March. I have continued going to these weekly church gatherings, but he hasn't been there in a while. (I admit that I skipped one week to hang out with my lil' sis from club, Misty, because she's so cute that you can't say no to her. And I stand by bros before hoes, anyway.) So there have been two services which I have attended that he has not.

My friend B says that I'm just interested in the idea of him. I don't completely agree, though. I mean, I agree that I want to make friends before I get all involved with a guy. But I met some of his friends, and I really liked them. I'd like to get to know them better, too. (But they're AWOL from church as well.) I mean, would it be such a horrible thing to have some people to hang out with who will invite me to the movies every once in a while? Would it?

And I'll admit, the last time or two that I went to that church service, I went just to see him. So my question is: "I go to church to see him; why can't he come to see me?"

I'm pretty sure that he remembers the name of the company I work for, and he knows the name of my apt. complex. He could track me down if he really wanted to. But he hasn't.

And I learned the hard way that if a guy's not pursuing me, then he's probably just not that into me.

But I want a good, concrete reason if I'm going to give him up completely. Like he has contracted flesh-eating bacteria, or he's pregnant, or he broke his arms and can't drive or dial, or he got kidnapped and was forced to listen to the theme song from Saved by the Bell over and over until his ears bled, and he's still scarred. I want some real closure here.

But my question is: how can I be sure that something's actually over if it never really started?

I suck at this dating-stuff. Good thing I'm "too cute to not get married," lol.

Good times

2006-04-02T14:21:00.000-07:00

I got to spend some time last night and this morning with two of my four college roommates, and it was a blast. One of the things the evening accomplished was to introduce me to the videos on Vintage21.com. To see them, click on the link and then look on the left-hand side of the page. On the top of that montage is a picture of an old-timey film projector. (If you hold your mouse over it, you'll see the word "media" pop up on the page.) Click on the film projector and then choose "videos." Go to page two and watch all four of the Jesus Videos. They're GREAT! (For some reason when I try to link directly to them it takes forever to "buffer." If I had paid more attention in Electronic Publishing, I would probably know how to fix this, but I didn't. So I don't. I suppose if you don't have the brainpower to follow these instructions then you wouldn't find the videos funny, anyway.)

Another thing it did was give me a chance to spend some time with people who know me and take a break from trying to build community from the ground up. Wow, that felt really nice. (It's nice to tell a group about how a guy recently tried to pursue me at record speed and just have them understand that anyone pursuing me has to move ultra-slow. Like FEMA-slow.)

Someone asked me if I'd do high school over again, and the answer was: no way. High school wasn't bad, it just wasn't great. College, however. . .now THAT was great.

And I also got to talk with one of them about her increasingly interesting love life. It has always been weird to me that she never really dated. . .in high school or college. This never made sense, because she is one of the cutest, funniest, deepest, well-rounded people I know. Perhaps there just weren't many guys who could keep up with her? Regardless, there is someone interested in her now, and that makes me very excited! If she can find someone as cool as she is, then there's definitely hope for the rest of us.

Speaking of the rest of us, more than one of my coworkers has told me lately that I'll definitely get married because I am "so cute." What does this mean? It's meant to be a compliment, I know, but does this mean that only non-cute people are single? This can't be true, because I have certainly seen a lot of unattractive married people (and attractive single people). It's just aonther one of those things that people say that doesn't really mean anything, I think.

I've decided to keep a running list of meaningless things that I've heard Christians say, because I find them very interesting. First on the list is "God placed a call on his life." What does that mean? Did his cell phone ring and was God on the other line? It means nothing, except perhaps connotatively. Feel free to add to the list.

I've been tagged

2006-03-24T19:44:00.000-08:00

Since I consider myself a blogger and I LOVE Zane's music (I confess, I wanted to marry him for a while there), I consider myself tagged. I just stole the following from Matthew's blog, but it gives the main idea:

Some of you know Zane Williams, who graduated from ACU 5 or so years ago. He's been trying to make it in Nashville singing songs, and now he has a song competing in the annual John Lennon Song Contest.

Zane's song Hurry Home is one of two finalists in the Country music category. You can go to the song contest site, listen to both songs, and then vote on the one you like best.

CLICK HERE TO VOTE NOW

You can also go to Zane's site and read about the contest. I'm not sure, but I think this puts me at two degrees from Kevin Bacon.Oh, and if you're a blogger and you like Zane's music, consider yourself tagged. Go post the links for the contest so all your readers can vote for Zane too.

(And yeah, someday I'll write my own post. But probably not today.)