Deep Thoughts wtih A.Lo

Why yes, I am at work. And yes, I don’t have a lot of work to do and am not finding enough motivation to go searching for some (especially since my boss is not here today and doesn’t really seem to understand the concept of not having much work to do, which I suppose, for her, is understandable).

So here are some random thoughts that I’ve been meaning to elaborate upon, but have not done. And may never do, if I don’t just vomit them up on you right now. (Won’t that be fun?)

Yesterday, at Kroger, I was trying to find the shortest check-out line when I reached one that looked promising. As I did, though, I could tell that a guy who had been waiting in the next line over was abandoning his incredibly slow-moving line for this better, faster one. He was there first, so I stopped and told him to go ahead. He said, “No, that’s okay,” and returned to his slow-as-molasses line. Seriously. The guy was just leaving the store as I pulled out of the parking lot. And I thought, “How nice!!” (I don’t see a whole lot of nice in this big ol’ city.) And then I thought, “I want to marry someone nice like that.”

Speaking of big commitments, I’m planning to buy a washer & dryer today after work. I’m a little worried about making such a big purchase, but it’ll just have to be okay.

I’m thinking my life will be harder when I’m older and don’t feel it necessary to work as hard on my appearance as I do now. A lot of guys who work in my building are very helpful and nice, as are waiters and guys who work in the grocery store. I guess I shouldn’t grow accustomed to the level of service I am now receiving. Or I should have good-looking daughters and just go out to eat with them a lot. ;-)

I was reading C.S. Lewis’s Letters to Malcom today at lunch (because I either have to work through lunch, go home to eat and watch the Food Network or eat by myself) and was impressed by his concentration on the supernatural element of the worship service. I tend to forget this, wondering only when we get to stop and go to lunch and when I will no longer have to make awkward conversation with people I don’t really know. It seems to me, though, that in this life, either everything is sacred or nothing is. And things get a little tight-assed and not fun when everything is sacred, but when nothing is sacred we lose the magic inherent in the things of this world. And it’s really hard to find a good balance between those two things (just like with everything else).

Back to the subject of church, though, I have been to two churches since I moved here (and they both happened to be big, rich, white churches, which I suppose was my mistake) and found them both to be wholly unfriendly. This, first of all, is depressing, and second of all messes up my plans. I had planned to find friends here in my new city through a church or, more specifically, a singles group. Both the singles groups at the churches I visited were either Kojie-fied or just plain unwelcoming, as was the rest of the congregation. So am I just going to be lonely and friend-less forever? I hope not, ‘cause that’s no fun (but is made better by the fact that I have cable). This experience has, however, helped me narrow down my very long list of “Qualities my Perfect Church Must Possess.” Now, the list really just includes (1) multicultural members and (2) a welcoming atmosphere.

I’ve been thinking about generosity, too. When I found out that my employer was going to pay me much more than I expected, I was excited about the fact that I would be able to give more money away and use it to bless the people I love. I am, however, finding that I am not as generous as I want to be. All of a sudden, I have a bunch of bills to pay: apartment, car payment, school loans, water, gasoline, electricity, credit card (which I have never before had until about a month ago), etc. My first month of employment left me wondering about my finances (moving is expensive!) and with little money in my account, but I think I’ll be okay now. I also figured out that I’ll be making about $9,000/year less than I expected because of the stupid federal government. The thing is, though, that I keep thinking that I’ll be more generous when I feel more financially stable. But that’s not generosity (especially because I probably won’t EVER feel financially stable.) Generosity is the widow with the two coins who gives all she has. Generosity says, “Here’s what I have. It’s not much, but it should be enough.” It’s a lot like love that way, I guess. It just does its best.

And for those of you who don’t know, my Grandfather is in the hospital. (That’s my Dad’s dad.) He went into the emergency room about 2 a.m. on Christmas morning (Merry Christmas) and had a triple bypass the Wednesday after. (My Christmas dinner was hospital cafeteria ham and macaroni and cheese. Gross.) Apparently he had a little heart attack and he’s still in the hospital; they were able to go through his ribs to do the bypass instead of opening up his chest plate or whatever (man, you’d think I’d be a lot smarter since I work for a health care company) and so his healing time should be less, but his incision is apparently not healing like it should, which is, as the doctor said, “a fatality issue.” So we’re trying to decide who can go and visit and sit with my grandmother in the hospital, etc. We need to wait for some more info, and it looks like next week will be the best time for us to assist, but I have to be out of town for work on Monday and Tuesday and in meetings on Thursday and Friday and therefore unable to make the two-hour drive. So keep us in your prayers. I have to say, though, that it is miraculous that he made it to the age of 81 before having a heart attack, especially because he has high blood pressure and high cholesterol and smoked for a good part of his life. So I am thankful that he’s doing as well as he is.

And I’ve been having really odd dreams lately. Last night I dreamed about my third-grade boyfriend. (That is the guy who was my boyfriend when I was in third grade, not my current boyfriend who is a third-grader, just FYI.) I don’t even remember what I dreamed, just that he was there. Weird.

Alright, kids, that’s it. Guess I’ll have to go back to playing on the internet and looking busy now.