Is there a point?

I’ve been thinking lately about church, and why I should go. Right now, I’m still attending church because I made a 15-month commitment to one, and I’m about one-third of the way through it. If I hadn’t made that commitment, I’m not sure if I’d be attending church at all.

When I moved here a little over a year ago, I church-shopped religiously (excuse the pun), and attended the church I chose on a fairly regular basis. I spend quite a few weekends away from home, but when I was in town, I was there.

I think this is because I had decided that if I was going to find a community (including, especially, people my age) who had similar values and goals and who would put as much time and effort into supporting me as I did them, I would have to find it in a church.

Unfortunately, however, it turns out that my values and goals are largely different than what I picked up on at most Christian gatherings I attended, and the groups of people my own age there felt too much like cleverly disguised meat markets. (If I was desperate, I’d go on The Bachelor, not to church.)

When I started attending my current church, the singles group was small, but friendly, and I imagined that this could be my community. It wasn’t perfect, but it felt inclusive-- there were even some members of the group who lacked average social skills and mental capacities. While those people might have been harder to support/love, I liked that they were part of the group. I figure that’s what Christianity, at its core, is all about: loving the unlovable.

Little did I know, however, that many of the members of this group were carrying around some incredibly scary group-related baggage, and while they really wanted the group to work, they didn’t know how to fix it. This later led to a few well-intentioned but extreme (and also somewhat scary) last-ditch efforts.

Long story short, a few months ago, the remaining members of the group (quite a few had left) who had average or higher social skills and mental capacities asked for a meeting with the elder over the singles group and the preacher. At that meeting, we asked them to let the group die. We were requesting a mercy killing, actually, because the group had gotten so small that there weren’t enough “average or above” members to support the others. If the “stronger brothers” are outnumbered, then the situation can’t last.

I was told by the preacher that the rest of the group would find other ways to be supported by the church, and I believed him. So he and the elder told us they would take until January 1 to come up with a story that considered the “weaker brothers” and was as loving as possible (yet incredibly final) about why the group needed to dissolve.

I should also mention that those of us from the singles group who were present at that meeting were hosting events at our houses on a regular basis and attending singles class on Sunday mornings, as well as other events. We were asking for the class to cease, but mostly for the group as a whole to take a break for a little while, because we were overextended. (And I fully admit that I was having lots of trouble loving one of the “weaker brothers”.)

Another problem that I had recently realized about the group was that it wouldn’t attract new members in its current state, because it obvious that the group dynamic was unstable and taxing. I mean, who wants to join a group that’s obviously more work than it’s worth and swiftly going under? It’s sad, but building up the “stronger” part of the group was not really an option.

So long story short, the elders and ministers did not end the singles class or the group itself. However, I think they handled it well, as far as the “weaker” members of the group are concerned. The elder over the singles group was willing to carry the burden it presented, which was his prerogative. All in all, I think they did the right thing, the better thing, but I still felt like it wasn't exactly what was promised.

And my "church" issues, added to the fact that I haven’t really gotten anything out of a worship service in a very long time, make me question the point of church, anyway. I guess these feelings started in Mission Year—it’s like most church services go around me instead of through me. And now that our group has died and I have no community to speak of—and, honestly, not even someone to go to the movies with—what’s the point? (I guess if I get really desperate, I could always ask staring-at-my-chest-guy to go to the movies with me. My friends keep telling me that mental capacity and social skills really aren’t that important, anyway.)

Over Christmas, my grandmother expressed her views on how important corporate worship services are, but I’m not so sure. I think community is important. I think loving each other is important. I think talking about the things that are important to God is important. I think spending time observing rituals that have real meaning is important. (I admit: the way most churches do communion seems useless to me. I can commune with God at home, on my couch. I can’t, however, commune with his people there, so it seems like communion should be time spent with God’s people, doing things that matter, like breaking bread together. I think sharing a meal is one of the most important and sacred acts that people can share.)

I’ve heard people say that “you get out what you put in” regarding corporate worship services. I think that’s crap, because I don’t even know what to put in. I agree that it’s stupid to go to church expecting everything to be catered to you as an individual, and it makes sense that having a bad attitude about corporate worship probably doesn’t help, but that still sounds like another Christian platitude to me.

And yet, I’m going to church tomorrow morning. I’m going because I’ve committed to it. I’m going because I’ve been in my apartment most of the weekend. But most of all, I’m going because there are good people there. And while I might never find true community with people my own age there (or even, God forbid, someone to go to the movies with), I truly believe that the people there are good people. And there’s something to be said for spending time with good people.