Dreamin'
So what if I didn't get on that plane back to California tomorrow? What if, for once in my life, I did what I wanted instead of what is expected?
I'd probably feel guilty.
posted by A. Lo @ 12:16 PM
My So-Called Life
About Me
- Name: A. Lo
- Location: Dallas/Fort Worth, TX
Don't you hate it when someone's profile doesn't say anything about them? I find that really annoying, yet I'm not above it myself.
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3 Comments:
You might feel guilty, but atleast you'd be happy.
Besides, if you're not enjoying serving others, are you really serving them? If you're not enjoying or believe in what you're doing, you usually don't do it 100%. And if you're not giving 100%, are you really serving these people like you want to?
I probably shouldn't have said that cause it just makes things harder for you, but I'm still here for you, even if it is from College Station...
I'd say that if you're not enjoying serving others, your love for them is actually more sincere.
In fact, there are some fringe Christian thinkers who say you can only use the word "love" if you're not enjoying what you're doing.
So I say: Keep kicking butt.
Well, suffering might not make me "more" of a Christian, but that's okay. I'm pretty fed up with Christians as it is. But it just might make me more Christlike. No one can "force" me to stay here. It is my choice. If I wanted to leave, I could do so at any time. So why do I choose to stay?
Well, I'm not always sure. But I do know that I would always wonder how things would've turned out at the end of the year. And it would make things harder for my team, would disrupt the flow of their year and the team dynamic and I would be breaking a promise I made to all of them to stick it out. (And I happen to know that about 75% of the people serving in this city don’t want to be here right now, either, so it’s not just me.)
I might not enjoy it and I might not want to do it, but I think it is important that I stay here. I bet Jesus didn't want to go to the cross, either, but he did it anyway. And so I feel like I need to continue to "carry my cross this year" (so cheesy!) with the help and support of my family and friends.
Besides, I think love does sometimes mean suffering. What parent wants to wake up numerous times in the middle of the night to comfort or feed a child? So why do so many of them do it anyway? Out of love. Why do friends get so angry and hurt when those they love make bad decisions? Because love means wanting the best for the other. Do they suffer, worrying about their friend? Sure. And yet they choose to stick it out. That, my friend, is love. Running at the first sign of trouble is not. (Can you believe that commitment-phobic me just wrote that? Me neither.)
So here I am. I don’t want to be here all the time, but this week has been okay for the most part. I committed to sticking this out through good times and bad, and although it seems like it has been mostly bad times, I’m going to be SO PROUD of myself when this year is over. I will have finished the hardest thing I have ever done and will have “finished the race and fought the good fight.” And God didn’t make me this stubborn for nothing.
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