Playing with fire
My friend Sarah recently described me on her blog as "a spitfire" (a highly emotional and quick-tempered person, especially a girl or woman). I'm assuming she was referring to my quick wit, sharp tongue and ability to "out-stubborn" just about anyone. Not to mention my knack for thinking for myself, my very mischievious side and the fact that I hold ideas that have been described as leaning towards the "feminazi" (a term that I really don't like, just FYI).
Now I'm trying out this new theory that while men might occasionally like to date spitfires, they really do not want to marry them. Case-in-point #1: a guy I know who appreciates this quality in women but who married a woman who does not, really, embody this. Case-in-point #2: another guy I know who did the same thing.
I don't want you to think that I am worried about not being able to find someone to marry me (I won't worry about marriage until I find someone who can keep up with me), but it just occurred to me today that I know very few married spitfires. I guess Gina would be one. And Jeanene Reese would be another. And maybe Peggy Simmons. But those are the only three that I can come up with off the top of my head.
I've just been thinking that perhaps nice Christian boys don't usually want to marry feisty Christian girls. (Maybe I've been thinking about one nice boy in particular, but maybe not.)
But what I really want to know is: do men (in this case, nice Christian ones) marry spitfires?
posted by A. Lo @ 3:11 PM
3 Comments:
Abby,
I'm not sure if you would consider me a spitfire...but a lot of the ways you described yourself fit me also (perhaps it's genetic?)
I never thought I'd find someone who could keep up with me...but I did. I think the key ingredient was stubbornness. He is the most stubborn person I have ever known (even more stubborn than my mom!) Don't tell him I said this, but his stubbornness is actually one of the best things about our marriage. Because I tend to have wild ideas and strong emotions and if he weren't so darn stubborn, I would squash him in a heartbeat. And that wouldn't be fun!
So my encouragement to you: Don't worry about it. There are some men in the world who like strong, creative, uninhibited women. And I don't know about you, but I rather like being a spitfire. Life is always an adventure!
Hm. I suspect that the marrying spitfires problem has a lot to do with the number of spitfires that are available to be married.
Most of the nice, Christian men in our nice, Christian culture have had nice, Christian mothers who have modeled non-spitfire behavior for them. If it's true that men marry people who are like their mothers, you can see the problem.
The other part of the equation is that most of the marriagable women in this nice, Christian culture have been taught that Nice is better than Interesting. So not only are the men more likely to marry spitfires, the women are less likely to be spitfires.
I think that has a lot to do with why you don't see more conservative Christian guys marrying spitfires. If you're wanting to meet a spitfire-compatible guy, you'd probably be better off looking in a more progressive Christian tradition; one that actually values women as people and not only as wives or mothers.
... on the other hand, you could skip looking for a husband altogether. You could just routinely go out with guys you think are fun, healthy and interesting. (Spitfires don't wait for guys to ask them out. If they want to go out, they say, "Let's go watch a movie or something.")
If you eventually get married to one of those guys, props to you!
Well thanks for the advice, Bro. I want to clear up some things, though. When I said "nice Christian boys," I meant the ones who happen to be interesting AND nice. And surely there are some of those in the CoC; all the married spitfires I mentioned happen to have married CoC men.
And if I knew any of those "fun, healthy and interesting" guys, I would definitely be hanging out with them. Do you know any of those? Most of the ones I know spend their time with their wives/girlfriends.
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