I think I'll go eat worms

My birthday was okay. I spent most of it blowing my nose and watching DVDs (that I walked to rent in the rain). Did I mention that Oakland hates me?

While it sucked to be sick on my birthday, I knew it couldn’t be any worse than my eighteenth birthday, which I spent across a table from the boy who had just broken my heart and the girl he had basically cheated on me with, watching them cuddle and be gross. And I was right. It’s always good to have a little perspective, kids!

I had planned to spend this post telling you about how tired I am of my life here, how I am burnt out, how I have developed a weird facial tic in the last few months, how our computer is on the fritz (now you’ll know why I’ve been slower to email), how it was weird to spend a birthday with people who could’ve just as likely been celebrating from a sense of duty as their love for me, how gosh darn unappreciated I am, etc.

But church was actually almost good today, and our pastor talked to us about how we should focus on the positive, and this passage from Blue Shoe by Anne Lamott came to mind:

“. . .Mattie remembered a story the pastor had recently told, about a girl who was crying in the night. When her mother came to comfort her, the girl said she was too afraid of the dark to sleep. ‘But God’s with you, comforting and protecting you,’ the mother said.
‘But I need someone with skin on,’ the little girl said.
This is who Mattie wanted to be in the world: God with skin on, someone who would show up and listen, bring you a glass of water if you were thirsty.”

Don't we all need someone to be God with skin on for us? And what if we all did that for someone else?

I decided a few weeks ago that instead of sitting around feeling sorry for myself about how no one around here appreciates me (a few certain events transpired within a short period of time to drive that feeling home, but for the sake of the people with whom I share a small space, I have left most of those stories untold), I would try to start appreciating others. That began a week of wild appreciation for my fellow MY-ers in Oakland (and a friend in College Station). And, surprisingly, I started to feel better! And most of those people really appreciated me for appreciating them! And random things started happening in my own life to encourage me! It was great!

Lately, however, I haven’t seen many ways to continue to do that, and the old “nobody likes me, everybody hates me” feeling is creeping back in. Perhaps this is partly a result of spending too many days sick in our apartment and partly wondering about the motivation for my birthday celebrations here.

But I’ve been asking God to help me keep my eyes and ears open to ways I can continue to appreciate others, both people in AND out of MY, but nothing really spectacular has happened since then. And, appreciating people can sometimes get expensive, especially on my $70/month budget. But I’d still love to hear how I can appreciate you (within reason, of course). Because, really, what else do I have to do. . .besides finish that project I’m still working on for Barbie’s birthday?